Sins of the Mother
by LilyRose Blue
Summary: "You both sit atop your pedestals judging me and the things I've done. But now you will both see what it means to get in the dirt and the muck of it all. No one stays clean in this life. Not even you, Jackson."
1. Broken Bonds

**_A/N: This story takes place three months after the finale. If there is enough interest after the first three chapters I'll continue this story. Please enjoy!_**

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For the last three months Jax had been attempting to get acclimated to being the President of SAMCRO. Their ranks were decimated. Bobby was in prison, Kozik was dead, Miles was dead, Piney was dead, and Clay was basically a face at the table. It was Jax's intent to turn him into a puppet that he could trot out when dealing with the Irish. Jax made it clear that if Clay told the Irish that he was being pushed out he'd be executed. No questions asked.

The older man that he once considered to be a father figure and a brother was staying at the club during his recovery under the close and watchful eye of Jax. He would not be duped or played anymore. The only people that knew the depth of the situation were Tara and Opie. Those were the only people he felt as if he could trust completely.

His relationship with Gemma was almost nonexistent. He'd been keeping his distance from his mother for months now. After realizing that they were stuck in Charming Tara decided that Jax needed to know just what type of person Gemma really was. The knowledge that Gemma played a pivotal role in J.T.'s death poisoned Jax against her. He rarely if ever saw Gemma now and for the time being…that suited him just fine.

Jax and Opie were in the middle of discussing their next gun shipment when the doors to the chapel swung open and caught Jax's attention. He looked up to see Chibs standing in the doorway with an odd look on his face. "What is it?"

"Jackie boy, Gemma is here to see you," drawled Chibs in his thick Irish brogue.

No one knew exactly why, but there was a strange new dynamic between Jax and Gemma and everyone could feel it. On more than one occasion Chibs tried to get Jax to open up but he was shut down every time.

Jax frowned at that information but nodded slightly. "Send her in."

Gemma hadn't set foot on the lot in months. He couldn't imagine what would be so important that she break her self-imposed exile.

Chibs nodded and went over to the bar. His eyes trailed over Gemma's body taking in her appearance. There was definitely something different about the woman he'd known for years. She was dressed differently but it was more than that. There seemed to be some sort of personality shift in her.

"Gemma, Jax has time to see you now. How are you doing, love?"

Gemma tossed back a shot of Jack Daniels and said, "I am just fine, sweetheart. Thank you for asking."

She picked up her purse and walked into the chapel closing the padded doors behind her.

"What?" asked Jax in a cold voice.

Months ago that voice had sent shivers up Gemma's spine and broke her heart. As much as she loved her son she could see the disdain on his face whenever she was near him. That voice no longer had that affect on her. Gemma had made peace with the fact that Jax no longer wanted her to be part of his life.

"I need a favor," said Gemma.

Jax sighed heavily and asked, "What is it, Gemma?"

The first time he'd called her 'Gemma' it nearly brought the older woman to tears. Jax was all she had left in the world and he'd ripped her heart out by stripping away the title of mother. It was a simple gesture but one that cut her to the very core. The old saying was true 'the people you love the most are the ones that can hurt you the worst'.

"My lawyer has been trying to get in touch with Clay for nearly two months but he hasn't been willing to take his calls. And since he's been camped out here in the club the process server hasn't been able to serve him with these."

Jax glanced at the document in front of him. His eyes scanned the page and then he looked back up at Gemma.

"You are divorcing him?" asked Jax.

"Can't exactly go back to normal now, Jackson. Can we?" asked Gemma.

The double meaning of her words were bitter but to the point.

"So, it is time for me to move on. I know he's been staying here. I am not asking you to get involved. I just need you to give him the paperwork."

Jax watched Gemma carefully. He was waiting for Gemma to try to guilt him or manipulate him. He had been waiting for her next move for months but it hadn't happened yet.

"Why can't you do it? He's right down the hall," said Jax.

"The last time Clay and I were alone he turned my face into a Picasso painting. I would not like for that to happen again. I don't imagine that his feelings about me have changed very much since I changed the locks and got a restraining order. I could ask Tig to do this for me but I don't want to step on your toes. Your club…you rules," said Gemma.

Jax's eyes went back to the petition. "You are asking for your half of the Teller-Morrow garage and the house? You're not asking for alimony?"

He was weary of his mother but Jax was concerned about how she'd take care of herself. In the time since he'd taken over the club Gemma had not worked in the office a day.

Gemma said, "They are rightfully mine. I owned them when I married Clay. I am just establishing that they are not a part of marital property. I will be selling the house. I don't want anything that Clay has. Besides, you've all but neutered him. He doesn't have much to offer me."

"And what are your plans for your half of the garage?" asked Jax. The idea of an outsider owning part of Teller-Morrow was out of the question. Their garage had served them well over the years. It was the perfect front and a good source of legal income.

"I don't see how my presence would be welcome here and so I see no need for me to maintain ownership…"

Jax rolled his eyes. "If you came here to make me feel bad…"

Gemma cut him off. "I did no such thing. You have been cold and rude every time we have come in contact with one another. I have no use for that sort of contact on a regular basis. This is not about guilt. If you feel any guilt that is not of my doing but of your own conscience."

"Conscience? What would you know about having a conscience? Do you even have one?" asked Jax seriously.

Opie cleared his throat. "Maybe I should give the two of you some privacy."

Jax held up his hand and said, "No, stay. There is no reason for you to leave."

Gemma's jaw tightened and an icy smirk settled onto her lips. "Everything that I have ever done was for the benefit of my family. You may not agree with the methods or the results but do not doubt my intentions. Anyway, I don't want the garage because I have no desire to be the object of your scorn. Or Tara's for that matter."

"Don't bring her into this," said Jax through clenched teeth.

"Oh, but, my fair haired boy, she is knee deep in this. You both sit atop your pedestals judging me and the things I've done. But now you will both see what it means to get in the dirt and the muck of it all. No one stays clean in this life. Not even you, Jackson," said Gemma.

"There is being clean and then there is being a liar and betraying everything you stand for and everything you are. Maybe you don't know the difference but I do and so did J.T."

Gemma chuckled at his naiveté. "You will learn soon enough that as a leader you are going to do some things that you never thought that you would do. It is easy to say what you'd never do when you've never been in that position. Every leader lies, baby. Some lie a little and some lie a lot but they all lie to stay on top. You will be no different. You will lie to protect your club. You will lie to protect your brothers. You will lie to protect your family. Just make sure you don't lie to yourself. Or you'll wind up where Clay is sitting or worse…where J.T. is laying. You and Tara can judge me now and feel morally superior but for every horrible decision I've made you both will have decisions of your own to make. I only pray that you both can be as content with your decisions as I am with mine."

He ground his teeth in annoyance. Jax didn't need a lecture from Gemma. The things that she'd done were morally reprehensible. But there was a little voice in the back of his mind that was softly nagging him. She was right. Jax was already lying to his brothers. He began lying to them before he even took the gavel. Jax silently assured himself that he was lying for the right reasons.

Jax ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "What are your plans for the garage?"

"The club can buy me out," said Gemma. She reached into her purse, took out a file folder, and slid it in front of Jax. "I had it appraised. This is how much my half is worth. I'll knock 20% off of the price."

Normally, the club would tax any old lady. The tax could be hefty depending on how much favor she garnered within the club. Gemma decided to offer the 20% to sway Jax from levying a heavier tax against her. She wasn't sure just how much her son hated her.

Jax opened the file folder and looked at the appraiser's report. He slid it to Opie. "That is how much your half is worth?"

Gemma nodded and said, "Expanding the custom bike business has increased the value of Teller-Morrow. And the overall value of the property itself has increased over the years. You can have the business appraised for yourself to double check but it is on the up and up."

Opie looked over the numbers and frowned. With Bobby in lock up Opie had taken over the job of Treasurer for the club. The case that Potter had amassed was being dropped but Bobby was being held now for the suspicious disappearance of Georgie Caruso.

Jax said, "It may take a few months for the club to pull together that sort of cash. We will buy you out if that is what you want, but I am going on record as saying that no one is trying to force you out of the business."

"I want out. I'm not in any big hurry. I am open to a payment plan as well. The sooner I can sign the garage over to the club the better," Gemma replied.

Jax said, "I'll make sure Clay signs the divorce papers. Anything else?"

Gemma shook her head. "No, that is all. Just kiss my grandbabies for me. Thank you, Jackson. I am going to go clean my things out of the office. You'll need to hire someone on to run things full-time. I hear the office has been running a little slow with Juice doing double duty."

She nodded at Opie and then exited the chapel.

Jax sat there a minute in silence.

Opie looked at Jax and asked, "You okay, man?"

"Even if we buy her out of the garage at full price…she doesn't have enough money to live on. We aren't on the best terms but I don't want Gemma living in poverty. For whatever she is, Gemma raised me for 18 years," said Jax.

"So what are you going to do?" asked Opie.

"I don't know. What would you do?"

"Honestly, I can't say. The relationship you have with Gemma is very different than the one I have with Mary. I don't know what I'd do if I was in your position. She was right about one thing…"

Jax quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

"There is no sense having her here if you are going to treat her like she isn't here. We don't need that kind of drama on the lot. Besides, it will just bring more questions from the guys about what is going on. Questions that you can't give them answers to. Maybe this way she is out of sight out of mind."


	2. The Beginning of the End

Jax walked to the dorm portion of the club and knocked on Clay's door. He made it a point of only speaking to Clay when absolutely necessary. Just laying eyes on the man sent fury through Jax's body. It killed him that Clay was still breathing after everything he'd done. It was harder keeping Opie under control.

Clay opened the door looking slightly haggard. Recovering from his shooting was turning out to be a very long process. It didn't help that the doctors had to remove a lobe of his lung. The irony of it all was now he needed oxygen to sleep at night. It often reminded him of Piney. Sometimes Clay wondered if he should sleep without the oxygen and take his chances with death. He spotted the blue backed paperwork in Jax's hands. "What is that?"

Jax said, "Gemma stopped by. She says that her lawyer has been trying to reach out to you for weeks."

"Yeah?" asked Clay shuffling back over to his bed. He sat down with a groan and asked, "What about?" He wasn't stupid. He knew very well that Gemma wanted to divorce him.

"She wants out. Can't say I blame her after what you did," said Jax walking into the room.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against the dresser. "I want you to sign the papers and get this over with. She doesn't want anything from you. She wants to leave the marriage with what she came into it with."

"No," said Clay.

Jax blinked and asked, "Excuse me?"

"I am not going to give Gemma a divorce. She married me for better or worse. She knew what that could mean and I am not letting her back out of that now. We just need to talk…I can work this out with her," said Clay.

This wasn't the first time that Clay had physically abused Gemma. However, it was the worst instance of his violence.

Jax chuckled and quipped, "She's the one that told me to kill you and take your spot at the table. I think you overestimate my mother's capacity for forgiveness."

He walked over to the bed and handed Clay the paperwork. "Sign it and end this."

Clay put on his reading glasses and read it over silently. "No alimony…" His face soured somewhat.

Jax nodded slightly. "I don't know what she is going to do to support herself. She isn't working in the office anymore."

He glanced at Clay wondering if he had any idea what Gemma was up to.

"I'd assume she's found someone else to support her now that I can't do it," said Clay, bitterly.

Jax hadn't actually considered that option. But then again he was beginning to learn that he didn't know as much about Gemma as he thought he did. "Sign it," said Jax.

Clay thought about arguing the point but ultimately decided against it. If he signed the papers Gemma's guard would be down. Clay grabbed a pen from the nightstand and scribbled his signature on the marked pages. "Tell your mother that I said hello."

Jax said, "Yeah, I am not doing that."

Jax took the papers from Clay and walked out of the room. He made his way out of the club and saw that Gemma was just heading out to her car with a box of things from the office.

Gemma tossed the box in her backseat seeing Jax approaching her. She spied the papers in his hand.

"Clay signed them. No problem," said Jax.

Gemma smiled. "Thank you, Jackson."

She took the petition from Jax and slipped it into her purse. "I seriously thought that Clay was going to try to contest it. I was expecting some sort of drawn out situation."

"Disappointed?" Jax asked.

"Not in the least. This is a new chapter in my life and I am glad that I don't have any baggage holding up my progress," said Gemma.

"Speaking of this new chapter in your life…how are you going to finance it? You and Clay don't have any savings. You aren't working."

"Things have a way of taking care of themselves," said Gemma.

Jax fell silent for a moment as he thought about how to word his next statement. "I don't want you to suffer."

Gemma laughed softly. "You could have fooled me there. The only thing I've ever wanted was my family and you've pushed me out of that. But don't worry about me turning into Mother Hubbard. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. I've always got a backup plan honey…always." She kissed his cheek.

"Like how you started cheating with Clay while dad was still alive?" asked Jax through clenched teeth.

"I am not the only one that decided to cheat in our marriage and if you think about your half-sister's age…you'll realize that John started a new family long before I started cheating. I knew that it was only a matter of time before John decided he wanted that young pussy on a permanent basis. I decided to have an exit strategy if my husband decided he'd prefer another pair of loving arms. I'm not ashamed of that. And you are damn right I chose Clay. He had power and influence in the club and I knew that if John turned tail and ran to Ireland…Clay would be the one to take over the club. I knew that me and my sons would be taken care of. I won't apologize for that," said Gemma coldly.

"And marrying the man that killed my father? Forcing me to live under the same roof as the man that took everything from me?" asked Jax closing the gap between them as the rage played over his features.

"I made the best decision for me. Where the hell do you think we'd be right now if I didn't marry Clay? I would have been destitute trying to raise you on my own. That house you grew up in…it would have been gone. John and I took a second mortgage out on it to pay for Tommy's medical bills. We had nothing, Jax. Except for half of a failing garage business that was costing me more money than it was making at the time. I made the best of a bad situation."

"Excuses! That is all it is with you! You twist the truth to suit your own needs. You didn't tell me the whole truth when you sent me off to kill Clay. You left out the affair…and the fact that you knew that Clay was going to kill Dad and you didn't tell him," Jax railed in a quiet voice. "How am I supposed to forgive you?"

Gemma lightly touched his cheek. "Oh, baby, I am not asking you for forgiveness."

Jax's mouth fell slack.

"I did what I had to do to take care of you. I did what I had to do to take care of me. I did what I had to do to ensure your place at the head of that table. John was going to die because Clay wanted him dead and John didn't have the gumption to kill Clay on his own. You tell me something…if you suspected that Juice was trying to kill you would you just let it lay? Would you write depressing love letters to your Irish whore? Or would you man up and do what was necessary? You don't have to answer that because I know the answer. You are my son and I raised you and you would do what you had to do to survive. John didn't have that type of drive and that is why he died. And I am not going to drag myself across hot coals to apologize for trying to salvage what was left of my life and yours. I love you, Jackson, with all of my heart. And I love Tara and those babies. The beating I took from Clay was because I confronted him about trying to kill Tara. Because I love that girl like my own. But as much as I love all of you I am not going to flog myself for your benefit as some sort of act of penance. I'm not sorry for anything I've done. I don't live with regrets, baby. I hope you don't either." Gemma climbed into her car and closed the door.

Jax said, "You never did say what your alternate plan was in all of this."

Gemma slipped on her sunglasses. "I have a new job somewhere else. I didn't like the idea of having to see Clay every day and I understand that you don't want me here right now. Bye, honey. Thanks again for getting Clay to sign the divorce papers." She started up the car and drove off after one last wave.

Jax watched Gemma drive away. He was more than a little concerned about her. There seemed to be something different about his mother but he couldn't figure it out.

Filthy Phil was getting ready to walk into the club and nodded at Jax. The prospect was just trying to keep his head down during this power shift. It was no secret that the old president and the new president were at odds. There were murmurs in the club about Clay making a move for the big chair once he was well again.

Jax beckoned Phil over to him. The new president had a great idea of a way to keep an eye on Gemma.

Phil walked over with a nervous smile. "Hey, Jax. What's up?"

"I want you to take the van over to Gemma's house. Park down the block and just keep an eye on things. Give me a call if anything seems out of place."

"Uh, for how long?" asked Filthy Phil. He pushed his glasses up onto his face.

Jax took out his wallet and handed the kid some money. "Buy some snacks. It is going to be awhile. Don't mention this to anyone."

"Okay. When should I go over there?"

"Now."

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the money, Jax."

Phil rushed into the garage's office and picked up the keys to the club's van. The 15-passenger van didn't get much use. However, from time to time they used it for Charity rides or as a support vehicle on runs.

As Jax headed into the club he heard the van's engine starting up. He looked around the main room seeing the guys hanging out. It was good to see everyone sticking together. Their bonds had taken some serious hits over the years. Those bonds needed to be repaired if the club was going to survive.

Jax walked into the chapel and had a seat at the table.

Opie walked over and asked, "How did it go with Clay?"

"He put up some resistance but eventually caved. Looks like Gemma will be divorcing Clay. She seemed pretty happy about it."

Opie chuckled and shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day when Gemma would leave Clay. She's always been his biggest supporter. I have to say it feels good seeing him with nothing."

"I know you'd rather see him dead but we need to be out of prison. We don't do our families any good on the inside," said Jax.

"I know that. I just think about everything he's taken from me. He took my wife and my father. I've got nothing but my kids now. Pops was a prick but he loved me," said Opie.

He nodded. "I miss him too. Piney was like having a conduit to my own father. Have you talked to Mary?"

"Yeah. Since I told her about Pops we talk more often. The cops have been out there to see her a couple of times. I shouldn't have cremated his body the way I did. I screwed her on the life insurance policy for now," said Opie.

"Did you talk to Lowen?" asked Jax.

"Lowen said that she is going to file a petition with the court when we hit the six month mark. Something like death in absentia. The evidence at the cabin pretty much seals the deal. The forensics report from the investigators said that…the amount of blood and organ tissue found at the scene indicates that the victim died."

Jax shook his head, unable to say anything about that. He tried his best not to think of Piney's last moments. Moments that could have been avoided if he'd known the truth sooner. Gemma was taking his wrath but she wasn't the only one to blame. Tara or Piney should have come to him in the beginning.


	3. Everything's Coming Up Roses

It was strange yet refreshing to be living on her own after so many years. Gemma had left her parents' home at 16 and hooked up with John Teller after bouncing around for a bit. From that point forward she'd never lived alone again. There had always been children or a husband for her to look after. The longer she lived alone the more she realized what she'd been missing over the years.

Gemma sat in her back yard drinking a glass of whiskey and smoking a joint. Her eyes scanned the flower beds in her backyard that were utterly destroyed. Gemma chuckled at herself. In her old age she was beginning to forget certain things. That forgetfulness had turned a 30 minute project into a two hour odyssey. However, her efforts were rewarded.

Gemma closed her eyes and reclined on the chaise lounge. It was a beautiful night and by no means was she ready to go inside. However, a few moments later her peace and quiet were disturbed by the sound of someone opening the wrought iron gate that led into the backyard. Gemma reached for her gun just in case it was an unwanted visitor.

Jax said, "Uh…I knocked on the front door and didn't get an answer. I came around to see if maybe you were back here. I knew you were home. Your car is parked in the driveway." It had been two weeks since Gemma had showed up at the club.

"Well, you found me, darlin'. How are you feeling?" asked Gemma. She took another sip from the glass of whiskey and placed the gun back on the table.

"Worried about you. I've been thinking about the conversation we had at the club. I don't hate you, you know. You raised me. I am always going to love you even if I don't like you very much, right now," said Jax. He had a seat in the chair adjacent to Gemma.

"I know that, baby. And you know that I love you. Always have and always will. You can't forgive me for what I've done and I'm not asking for forgiveness. That is what I'd call an impasse," Gemma said.

"How are you?" asked Jax taking a swig from her bottle of whiskey. He really didn't want to argue with Gemma. Despite his attitude and current feelings toward her it had been nice seeing her at the club. Jax missed Gemma more than he was willing to admit. His anger wouldn't let him.

"I am happy. Clay signed the divorce papers. My lawyer is trying to fast track them through the court system. Unfortunately, the state of California likes to drag its' feet. Soon enough I will be completely free. That is all that matters. All I ever really wanted."

Jax glanced at the shovel next to her. "Uh, what are we digging for?"

"My stash." Gemma nodded her head to four Army green metal artillery boxes sitting beside her feet. "Help me carry them inside, Jackson?" asked Gemma.

"Uh, sure. Where do you want them?" He picked up all of the boxes and carried them inside.

"On the dining room table is fine." Gemma picked up the whiskey bottle and her gun and walked into the house. She had a seat at the dining room table and looked at her boxes. Gemma took out a set of keys and unlocked the first box in front of her.

Jax stood next to her chair with his mouth hanging open slightly. There were rolls of cash in the box. "Is there money in all four of these boxes?"

Gemma nodded and said, "Yes."

"W-where did it all come from?" He had a seat in a chair staring at the dirt covered boxes. Jax started taking out the rubber band wrapped rolls of cash.

"Just call it my little nest egg. I have been socking away money for years. Everyone needs a rainy day fund and it looks like a storm is rolling in," said Gemma. There were many times she'd considered digging up her stash. However, now was definitely the right time. She was on her own.

"How?" asked Jax. He took the rubber band off of one of the rolls and fanned the money out on the dining room table. Jax quickly counted the bills and quirked an eyebrow at Gemma.

Gemma raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do you really want to know? Might give you more reason to despise me."

She took a long drag from her joint and smiled contently looking at her life savings.

Jax shook his head and said, "Just tell me."

"Started years ago when I realized that John was playing house with Maureen Ashby. Mary told me then that one day John would leave me for a younger woman. She'd seen it happen to other old ladies plenty of times in the past. It broke my heart. I went to Mary thinking she'd have some wisdom about everything being okay. Instead she told me the truth…that I had better be prepared for the day that John kicked me to the curb. And I thought about what I'd be left with. Absolutely nothing. I had dedicated my entire life to being a wife and mother. I had no real skills. The majority of John's income came from gun running…wasn't like I could ask for any of that in a divorce proceeding. And I had two young sons to think about at the time. So, I started skimming off of John's money, lying about how much things cost so that he'd give me more money than I needed, or I'd roll his pockets while he slept in a drunken stupor. He was fucking croweaters left and right he could never be sure if I was ripping him off or if they were. The answer is it was probably both."

"All of this is from Dad?" asked Jax in shock.

Gemma laughed and said, "No, when I married Clay I adopted the same position. I figured one day he'd leave me for another, and I'd be damned if I was left high and dry. I knew that I would be old…I couldn't depend on my looks snagging me another husband. So, I skimmed off of Clay's money, too. Or if he gave me a part of his cut from a run I'd stash it and use his money to take care of me and the house. I saved part of my pay every paycheck."

Jax shook his head in disbelief and asked, "You've been squirreling away money for how long?"

Gemma said, "Since 1988 when John started spending months in Ireland instead of weeks. So, right at 23 years. I am going to sell the house. So, I needed to dig everything up."

"Why did you bury it in the backyard? Were you scared that Clay would find it?"asked Jax. He took more rolls of cash out of the box and stacked them on the table.

"Nah, Clay was never the type to go snooping in my things. I buried my money in the backyard because of the feds. There was nowhere in the house that was safe. They would tear through everything if they had a search warrant. But they'd have no reason to go digging in my flower beds. So I'd save my money up until Clay went on a run and then while he was away I'd dig up one of my containers and make a deposit."

Jax shook his head trying to wrap his mind around the woman that was his mother. "No wonder you didn't want anything from Clay. You are probably walking away from this marriage with more money than he is."

Gemma laughed and poured another glass of whiskey. She downed it easily and said, "I've always had an exit strategy, darlin'. I stopped believing in lasting love a long time ago. At least for me. For a little while I tricked myself into thinking that Clay might be different. He loved me for who I was…crazy and manipulative. The only problem was he loved power more than he ever loved me. I missed that somehow."

"Tara tried to warn me years ago that I couldn't trust you."

She chuckled. "You can trust me because you are my son. I gave birth to you so my allegiance is always going to be to you. Everything I have ever done was in service of the future I wanted you to have. If you can find any fault in me…it should be that I worked my hardest to make sure you ended up at the head of that Redwood table. But I never made that objective a secret to anyone. You and Opie as the top two has been my dream since before the two of you could walk. And when Thomas was young I imagined him as the Sgt-at-arms. After losing him I was focused on making sure that I got you to where I wanted you to be and now you are."

Jax looked at Gemma with disdain and asked, "Was it worth it? Everything you put yourself and me through just to make sure I was president of a slowly dying club…was it worth it?"

"This thing will only die if you let it, Jackson. You have the best of both John and Clay. John was a thinking man and a strategist. Clay was ruthless and powerful. You are all of those things. You can guide the club to a future that makes sense to you. SAMCRO can be great again, Jax."

He shook his head. "You don't see that this thing is dying. You are too blind to it because this is what you want. You built your life around this club as if it was some sort of legacy."

"It is a legacy! My legacy! Do you know what I have given and sacrificed for this club?! From the time I married your father I made the Sons a priority and I gave it everything! My youth, my happiness, my life, my future, **_my sons_**! I gave everything I had inside of me to build this thing because I believed in it. I've put just as much blood, sweat, and tears into this thing as any one of you. And now my time of sacrificing has come to an end. It is time I move on and start doing things for me. And if you want to let the club die then I guess it is your right."

"The club is hopping on one leg. You can't be so blind as to not see that," said Jax.

"The club only dies if you want it to. Losing Piney, Miles, and Kozik is tough. And having Bobby in prison is tough but those are not insurmountable losses. You need bodies…bodies that can vote. You reach out to some of the other chapters. Jury's son, Jason, he has been a patched member of the Reno chapter for 15 years. He's done time for the club. Jason is dependable. And better than that you and Ope have known him your whole lives. What about calling Bull back home? He's been nomad for about five years but he's got a place out in Lodi. He turned 40 a couple of months ago and his kid is in high school. He might be looking for a place to hang his hat. The club is making enough money to make it an attractive move for anyone," said Gemma.

Jax just laughed. Gemma always had an answer. She always had a plan. He looked around the house. "Are you really going to sell the house?"

"Why not? Two failed marriages and a lot of painful memories. I could use a new start in a new home. I think it will be good for me. I've been thinking of buying a condo out in Stockton. A lot less upkeep than a house. I just have to wait a couple of months until this divorce is final. And then I can get the hell out of here." She glanced at the space on the kitchen floor where Clay had beaten her bloody.

"Clay thinks that you are seeing someone. He figures that is why you are so eager to divorce him. Have to say I never imagined you divorcing Clay. Is he right?" Jax glanced up at Gemma to gauge her reaction.

Gemma said, "I want to divorce him because we are through and I don't want him thinking that there is any chance of fixing us. Clay thinks he can talk his way out of anything. Not this time. I'm done. And as far as me seeing someone else…well, that isn't his business or yours, for that matter."

"Sounds like a 'yes' to me," said Jax. He reached into the metal container and pulled out a couple bundles of money. "So how much have you saved?"

"I don't have an exact tally. I won't until I count it all tonight. But with the money I've saved, the money I will get from selling the house, and the money I get from selling my half of the garage it will be a nice little nest egg for my eventual retirement. For now I will keep working. The pay is good."

"Going to tell me where you are working? Charming is fairly small. I can find out on my own if I try hard enough. I should help you count your money," said Jax with a small smirk.

"My years running the garage have paid off in one sense. I am running the payroll for Oswald Construction. I am making enough to support me every month," said Gemma. She laughed and took the bundle of cash from his hand, tossed it back into the box, and closed it. "I count better on my own. I believe I have a money counter in the hall closet."

"I figured as much," said Jax with a chuckle as he stood up. "I should get home to Tara and the boys. I just wanted to make sure that you were going to be okay. And it looks like you will be. I know you want to sell the garage…but it might make sense to keep your share and collect your half of the profits. It will be a steady stream of income that way. I just want to know that you are going to be okay long-term."

Gemma stood up and kissed his cheek. "I want out, sweetheart. I intend to extricate myself from SAMCRO in every possible way. I'm not just done with Clay…I'm done with all of this." She looked around her for emphasis.

"What does that mean?" asked Jax. He quirked an eyebrow trying to understand what Gemma was saying.

Gemma wasn't sure how she could be any clearer. "I'm walking away from everything, baby. My marriage is over. And you don't need or want me around anymore. I've got a chance at something different and I am going to go for it. I hate to run you off but I've got a date tonight."

Jax silently wondered if that 'everything' included him, but he didn't have the heart to ask. He couldn't wrap his mind around the person his mother seemed to be. Jax couldn't understand if she'd always been this way or if this was just a reaction to the way her life had changed. "Have a good night."

Gemma walked Jax to the door and watched him walk out. She bit her lip slightly and called out, "Jackson."

Jax looked back and asked, "Yeah?"

"Clay will kill you if given the chance. Don't be foolish like your father and underestimate the monster that Clay really is. He's fighting for his life, baby…he's fighting for his life. I love you." She closed the door and headed upstairs to get ready for her date.


	4. Plans for the Future

Jax sat against the headboard writing in his journal. He had so many questions swirling around in his head, and he wasn't sure that he wanted the answers to any of them. He felt trapped in a life that he no longer wanted but was unable to leave. Jax felt as if people were waiting for him to fail. He couldn't tell if that was his paranoia or survival instinct. Either way Jax felt hemmed in.

There were so many forces against him CIA, IRA, Niners, and now one of the biggest underworld figures in Oaktown. The last two problems were courtesy of Tig acting out of turn. But in truth Jax shouldered some of the blame. His complicity with Clay's lies after the shooting lit Tig's fuse. But the end result was still the same, and, worse yet, he had two men sitting at his table that he did not trust: Clay and Tig.

Tig was Clay's henchman he had no reason to believe that it would change just because he was in power. And it made Gemma's words earlier in the evening ring in his head. _"Clay will kill you if given the chance. Don't be foolish like your father and underestimate the monster that Clay really is. He's fighting for his life baby…he's fighting for his life."_

Truer words had never been spoken. Jax knew that he was working on borrowed time where Clay was concerned. The more the older man recovered, the more power he would be able to wield. Unfortunately, the Irish were not the only people that had their doubts about Jax's leadership skills. Clay was a proven leader. And Jax... was not. In fact he had proven himself to be a hot head in many a situation.

Only the people that knew Jax the best could understand that those moments of explosions where due to extreme stress and pressure. From the outside it appeared that he was a young man that was unable to handle the mantel of a leader.

Tara walked into the room and glanced at Jax. She hated to see the way the club was twisting him up inside. "You've been writing all night. Are you going to tell me what is going on?"

Jax had taken to writing more frequently now that he was president of SAMCRO. She knew that he used it for his escape. But the disappearing into his own head scared her. She flexed her fingers tiredly and looked down at her hand. The bones in her hand were finally healed. Now she was doing physical therapy in hopes that she would regain her fine motor skills. For now she worked in a nearby clinic as a pediatrician. It wasn't what she planned for her life but it gave her some satisfaction.

"I stopped by Gemma's house tonight before I came home. We talked," said Jax. He closed the journal and slipped it into the nightstand. Jax ran a hand over his head and groaned tiredly.

Tara let out an involuntary groan. "What happened? Did the two of you get into an argument?"

She had struggled with the decision of telling him about Gemma's possible involvement in John's death. At the time Tara didn't know if it would help or hurt the man she loved. But at the end of the day she didn't want any more secrets between them. They'd never survive if they couldn't be honest. And now that they would be stuck in Charming for the foreseeable future Tara wanted him to know just who he was dealing with. So she'd explained the details of the letters Gemma pilfered from the set.

"The opposite actually…she said that she's done," said Jax. The words felt foreign coming out of his mouth. They had felt foreign going into his ears that day. He'd spent the last couple of hours trying to work their meaning out in his head. And yet they still didn't make sense.

"I don't understand, Jax. What do you mean?" asked Tara. She walked over to the bed and had a seat next to Jax. She could see whatever Gemma said was having a profound effect on him.

"I don't really understand it either. She's done with everything. Maybe me too…" Jax trailed off as those words sank into his brain.

Tara's eyes widened in disbelief. "You can't be serious. This is just some play that Gemma is setting up to bend you to her whims. She is a world class manipulator. This is what she does. You aren't falling into line with what she wants. You aren't ready to forgive her for being complicit in J.T.'s death so she is trying to emotionally blackmail you," said Tara. She could feel heat rising up her neck. Tara was furious that Gemma would pull this type of crap knowing that Jax was trying to adjust to being a leader.

"I don't think so, Tara. She is divorcing Clay, selling her house, selling her half of the garage, and may move out to Stockton. She's cashing out, baby," said Jax.

He tossed the now rolled up folder containing the appraisal for the garage. "She had the garage appraised."

Tara looked into Jax's eyes and saw the shock and pain there. She leaned her forehead against his and just sat there quietly. As angry as Jax was Tara was under no illusions. He loved his mother and this was going to tear him apart.

"Is she cutting you out of her life?" asked Tara. She struggled to accept that notion. The woman had an unnatural attachment to Jax.

He shook his head. "I don't really know. I guess I was too afraid to ask her tonight. Honestly, I didn't really want to know the answer. Gemma was different than I've ever seen her before. I don't know how to explain it. She says that she loves me. But the way she spoke tonight…it really sounded like a goodbye. Like she was ready to say goodbye to everything: Clay, the club, the garage, Charming, and me. All she asked before I left was that I watch out for Clay. I don't know what to do, babe. I've never seen her like that. She wasn't angry…she just seemed resolved."

Tara's eyes fluttered closed wondering if she'd made the wrong decision. Had she set these wheels in motion by telling Jax the truth? "If there is one thing I have learned about Gemma it is that she loves you far too much to ever walk away from you, Jax. I just don't believe that. You're her baby. She once told me that her purpose in life was to be a fierce mother. You don't just walk away from the job."

"I used to believe that, too. I used to believe a lot of things but all of them turned out to be complete bullshit. I know that she loves me. But that doesn't mean she won't shut me out of her life. She went years without talking to my grandmother, Rose. She can hold a grudge like no one else I know. She says that she isn't mad at me but I know how much me shutting her out has hurt her."

He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes momentarily.

Tara sat there watching the stress wash over his features. She struggled to think of words that would comfort him. But in the end they all turned out to just be words. Hollow ones at that. Tara didn't understand the dynamics of a relationship with a mother. Her own mother had died much too early in her life. But in her brain she just couldn't reconcile Gemma's attachment to Jax being healthy or normal. However, she couldn't accept the idea that the woman would cut her own son out of her life.

Jax decided to break the deafening silence in the room. "Opie and I are going to take a weekend trip up to Reno. My mother might be manipulative but she does have a few good ideas. I need more bodies at the table and she suggested a childhood friend, Jason Brennan. He used to do the books for the Reno chapter and ran numbers for their sports book before he went to prison. I ran it by Ope after leaving her place and he suggested making a trip up there to talk to Jason and his younger brother Rusty. Neither of them are holding officers' positions in Reno. So, I doubt the brothers would have a problem with voting to let them go."

"Jason? I think I have heard you mention him before. He is your Uncle Jury's son, right?" asked Tara.

"Yeah, but Jury is only my uncle in name. He served with my dad in the Vietnam War. They were best friends after that. Me and Ope grew up spending time with his kids, Jason and Rusty. It wouldn't be bad getting in some guys that we both trust. The best part is that I know Rusty doesn't have any kids. He shouldn't have anything holding his move back. Jason on the other hand has a kid. I don't know if he'd be up for moving him."

"Is he married?" asked Tara curiously.

Jax shook his head. "Nah, his kid's mother died from a heroin overdose when he was in prison. Jury and Rusty had to take care of the boy until he got out of the pen. I could really use him at the table. Rusty too for that matter. Will you be okay on your own for the weekend?"

Tara nodded. "Yeah, the boys and I will be fine, Jax. Don't worry about us. You've got to do what you've got to do. And if it all works out things might just be a little safer for all of us."

Jax smiled slightly. He was glad that Tara understood the situation they were in. It was nice being able to tell her everything. Tara and Opie were the only people that he could be completely honest with. He had to lie to everyone else and that was becoming difficult to maintain."I am going to go hit the shower, babe." He kissed her forehead and then walked out of the bedroom.

Tara picked up the rolled up folder and opened it to the appraiser's report. Her eyes scanned the document trying to figure out if it was a fake. She just didn't see a world where Gemma threw her hands up in defeat. Tara grabbed a pen and pad and scribbled down the name from the letter head. She'd check into this appraisal herself. Tara stripped out of her clothing and pulled on a night shirt. She climbed into bed and picked up one of her medical journals. Tara was determined to stay up-to-date even if she couldn't operate right now.

30 minutes later Jax walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled slightly watching Tara read. She always looked so beautiful to him when she was deep in thought. However, he felt a pang of guilt as he realized it was a medical journal. It just reminded him of another bad thing that happened to her because she decided to stay with him. This life wasn't meant for families. He believed that more than ever. "How was your day?"

"It was fine. I went to physical therapy this morning and then spent the rest of the day at the clinic seeing patients. Wendy called my cell. She wants to see Abel soon. I told her she could see him this weekend," said Tara. She had been waiting all evening to drop that particular bombshell on him.

"What?" asked Jax stunned. "Why the hell would you tell her that?" asked Jax.

"Because there is no sense in fighting the inevitable. She is going to take us to court, and you can't stand any extra scrutiny right now. You are muling drugs and running guns. If she flashes too bright a light on things it could cause a lot of trouble for you and the club. It isn't worth the trouble. I told her that she can visit with him at the park for one hour. She isn't to say anything about being his mother because she isn't. I am."

Jax shook his head. "You should have talked to me first, Tara."

"Why? So that you could try to comfort me and say that it wasn't going to happen when we both know that it will? She has a great case if she goes to court, Jax. She is clean now. Wendy is willing to be drug tested before every visit with Abel. It is better that we do this on our terms than let a court dictate how this happens. If she pushes too hard she might be able to get back some of her parental rights. I am not about to let that happen," said Tara. "I am not about to lose my son to that bitch. So, if I have to make nice for an hour each weekend that is what I will do."

"I don't want you meeting with Wendy alone. I want Chibs with you. If she gets out of hand he will shut it down. Why didn't you mention this visitation shit when I was talking about going to Reno this weekend?"

"We both know you need to go do that, Jax. The club is running at half speed because of the missing members. You need more brothers especially if this situation with Niners gets worse. I want our boys to be as safe as they can be," Tara said with a small sigh.

The night that Jax broke down in front of her every bone in Tara's body told her to take the boys and leave. But her love for him just wouldn't let her. Tara waited years to finally have Jax. She wasn't about to let him go now. Whatever risks were involved she was in for better or worse now.

"Besides, while she is busy being happy with her one weekend a month I can adopt Abel. Wendy gave up her parental rights so she has no standing to contest the adoption," said Tara.

Jax quirked an eyebrow at his bride-to-be and realized she was a little more devious than he gave her credit for. "I'll get Lowen into it tomorrow."

"Good."

"Opie asked when we were going to finally tie the knot. I thought it was a pretty damn good question. I think that we should get married sooner rather than later."

Tara's eyes lit up at that. "You mean it?"

Jax nodded and said, "Yeah, I mean it. Why wait? What kind of wedding do you want to have?"

"I was thinking that we could just go to the courthouse and get married there. Something simple. We can have a party with the guys afterward." Tara had obviously given their proposed nuptials some thought. She knew a big wedding was out of the question. To be honest neither of them had much in the way of family.

"Are you sure that is what you want? I mean I know most women dream of something a little bigger than that," said Jax.

"All I want is to be your wife. That is all I have ever wanted. Afterward we can have a hell of a party to celebrate."

He smiled. "I think I can make that happen. We should go to the clerk's office next Tuesday and apply for the marriage license. We'll get married next week. I'll work on setting something up at the club to celebrate."

"Are you going to invite your mother to the party?" asked Tara.

"I don't know…I don't know about anything anymore. That is except for you." He leaned over and kissed her. At the moment everything else was up in the air.


	5. Flaccid

Two weeks later Tig pulled up behind an Impala parked across the street from Gemma's house. He climbed off his bike, walked around to the passenger side of the car, and knocked on the window. "Let me in, Clay."

Clay briefly considered ignoring the request but thought better of it. At the moment Tig was his only partial ally. He hit the power locks and went back to staring out of the window aimlessly.

Tig climbed into the car picking up the .45 sitting on the passenger seat. "Whatever you are thinking is a bad idea, Brother," said Tig in a concerned voice. He took the clip out of the gun, unchambered the round, and slipped it into his pocket. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I am just here to talk to her about this divorce bullshit. I know that if I get some time alone with Gemma I can get her to see my side of things," said Clay.

In his deluded mind he really thought that was possible. He might have been down but Clay was plotting his way to make it back to the top. He believed that was a lure that Gemma wouldn't be able to resist.

Tig looked at Clay with a confused expression. "I thought you signed the divorce papers because you knew that was the right thing. You can't think that things can ever be right after what went down between the two of you."

He still had a difficult time wrapping his mind around what his best friend had done to Gemma. In fact, if Clay had not been nearly killed he would probably still be on Tig's no-fly list.

"I signed the papers because Gemma is stubborn and I knew that she wouldn't hear me out until she had what she wanted. It can take up to six months for a divorce to be finalized. I've still got time to turn this thing around. That wasn't the first time we've got into a fight and it won't be the last. Gemma understands that."

Tig tried to find a way through Clay's obvious delusion.

"Clay, I don't think that this is a situation where time heals all wounds. You two have been apart for months and she still wants a divorce. Jax is a fair man but harassing his mother isn't going to buy you any grace, and you could use all that you can get. And do you want to tell me why you are sitting across from the house with a gun in the car like a psycho? I thought crazy was my role."

Clay scoffed looking at Tig. He wasn't the one to talk about psychotic behavior. "That is just for protection. You know Gemma carries. She might shoot me on sight just because. It was just a little something to get me in the door. And I am sitting out here waiting on her to get home for the night."

"Clay, this shit is crazy, man. If anyone other than me caught you sitting out here like this they'd be calling Jax right now to put a bullet in your head," said Tig in a serious voice.

Clay chuckled. "Jax and Gemma aren't even speaking right now. They are going through some shit of their own. I don't see him riding up on his white horse to save her at the moment. Despite popular belief I know how to handle my wife."

"Yeah, and you handled her right into a divorce. I don't know what is going on in your head but you are playing with fire."

"I don't need a counselor or a priest. So either sit here and shut up or get out," said Clay.

Tig shook his head but knew better than to leave Clay outside of Gemma's house on his own. There were too many bad things that could happen in the meantime.

The two men sat outside of the house for nearly two hours before a car pulled into Gemma's driveway that was not hers. Clay sat up in his seat more and squinted in the darkness trying to make out the two figures that were exiting the dark colored vehicle and walking up to the front door.

Tig groaned inwardly as he saw Gemma disappear into the house with the unidentified man. He knew this was about to go from bad to worse. Tig looked at the man he'd called his best friend for years and wondered what the next move would be. He couldn't tell if Clay was about to go off the deep end or not. The older man seemed eerily calm at the moment.

Tig sat there for twenty minutes wondering what Clay's next move would be. And he was suddenly concerned that the gun on the passenger seat hadn't been his only weapon.

Without warning Clay climbed out of the car and walked across the street to the house. He stopped a moment to get a look at the car in his driveway. Clay knew only a couple of people in Charming that could afford a Mercedes Benz CL-Class. He slammed his fist on the front door a couple of times.

Tig jogged across the street to catch up with Clay. "You need to keep your cool, Clay."

Clay said, "I am going to keep my cool alright." He knocked on the door harder and kicked the door. "Gemma open the fucking door! I will break this son of a bitch down if I have to! Do you hear me?"

The front door swung open but it wasn't Gemma standing on the other side. Elliot Oswald was standing there with no shoes on. He was wearing a long sleeve button up shirt but it was unbuttoned revealing the white tank top underneath. He was luckily still wearing his pants.

"Gemma doesn't want to see you, Clay. I can appreciate that this is a difficult situation for you but it'd be best if you left."

"I'm not going anywhere until I talk to my wife."

Clay pushed his way into the house and had a seat on the couch. He kicked his feet up onto the coffee table. "Gemma! You know I'm not going to leave until you get your ass in here and talk to me!"

He reached into his ankle holster and produced another gun. He set it on the coffee table. "Gemma! You don't want to know what happens to your lover boy if you aren't in here in the next minute."

Elliot reached behind him to grasp for the gun he'd tucked into the waistband of his pants before opening the front door.

Gemma walked out of the kitchen. "Get the fuck out of my house, Clay."

She was wearing a thigh length bathrobe that left very little to the imagination.

"I've already called the cops. If you are still here when they get here…you are going to jail. You are a felon you can't be in possession of a gun. That is an automatic parole violation and you go right back into Stockton with a whole new charge on your sheet. Is that what you really want? You are a little old to survive on your own in prison."

Clay stood up and walked over to Gemma. He was so close to her that there was hardly room between the two of them but he didn't touch her. He sniffed her and said, "I can smell him on you. This the reason you divorcing me? Him? Money has always made you eager to spread your legs. That's the reason you wanted me wasn't it? You were looking for your next meal ticket. Most expensive whore I've ever paid for."

Elliot didn't appreciate the way that Clay was talking to Gemma. He got ready to take a step forward but Tig moved in front of him.

He shook his head. "Let them talk."

"I've always wondered who was the dumb one…the prostitute or the trick that gets played? You didn't have anything when I married you and you don't have anything now. You are an utter failure as a club president, as a husband, and as a man. And who is between my legs now is no longer your concern." She leaned in so that her mouth was against his ear.

"Mmm, but just so you know he's better than you in every single way. And every time you were inside of me from the time you got out of prison…Elliot was the one that I was thinking of," Gemma purred against his ear.

Clay instinctively wrapped his hands around Gemma's throat. But he could hardly close his hands. That seemed to enrage him more.

Tig said, "Oh shit." He rushed over and dragged Clay away from Gemma. "We need to leave now Clay."

Gemma laughed hysterically. "Your hands are as flaccid as your dick."

Clay snatched away from Tig and lunged toward Gemma.

Elliot punched him in the face. The younger man winced from the bone crunching pain but stood his ground. "Get the fuck out!"

"This isn't over. You will see me again and when you do…you will beg for my forgiveness I promise you that," said Clay through gritted teeth.

Gemma, with hardened eyes, quipped, "Another promise that you will surely break. You've gotten very good at that, Clay."

Tig had to all but drag Clay out of the house. He picked up his extra gun on the way out. "We've got to get the hell out of here before the cops show up."

Clay snatched away from Tig and took his gun back. He walked back out to the Impala he'd swiped from the lot, hopped inside, and fled the scene.

Elliot locked the door. "What are we going to tell the police when they show up?"

"I didn't actually call the police. I was betting on Clay leaving on his own. But after that encounter…next time I think I will actually call them," said Gemma.

He walked over to her and lightly rested his hand on her face. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"No, I am fine. He's still too weak to do me any real harm. Besides, his hands are getting worse by the day. I can take care of myself, Elliot."

Elliot's eyes widened somewhat. "Gemma, I saw what he did to you last time. Your face…your body. He could have killed you. You need to take him serious. I didn't wait this long to be with you to let Clay kill you in a rage. He's dangerous. I think you need security here. An alarm system that will call the police automatically."

Gemma sobered somewhat looking at the worried expression on Elliot's face. He was truly scared for her safety. It reminded her of the warning she had given her son. Gemma realized she'd do well to heed her own warning. Clay had a score to settle with her, too.

She gently grabbed onto the lapels of Elliot's shirt. "You have my word that I will be careful. I won't open the door for Clay if I am here on my own. And I will think about getting an alarm system."

"What's to think about? I'll pay for it. I'll call the company that did my house in the morning and get them over here for an estimate," said Elliot. He didn't want to leave room for Gemma to back out of it. He had a bad feeling about Clay.

"Okay, baby. I'll get the alarm system if that will make you feel better. It will make me feel safer too. And I will pay for it myself," said Gemma looking up into his eyes.

"Good." He leaned down and kissed her. "Or you could always just move into my house…"

She laughed softly. "Yeah, because that looks good. I am not even divorced yet and I am already living with another man. That is a little licentious even for me. I will be okay in my own home. At least until the divorce is final and then I want to get the hell out of here."

"When is the last time you've been on a vacation?" asked Elliot.

Gemma laughed softly. "Never. Why?"

"I want to take you on vacation. Tristen is going to spend a couple of weeks with her maternal grandparents in Arizona. You and I should go on a vacation while she is gone. Think about where you want to go."


	6. Alliances

That weekend Jax and Opie rode the 180 miles out to Reno, Nevada, to meet up with Jason and Rusty Brennan. They had a stop in Joliette, Oregon, to make before they could go back to Charming. The only good news was that the truce with the Mayans made this trip safer than it had ever been.

Chibs was left in charge with Jax and Opie being on the road for the weekend. Jax felt confident that Chibs could rule the roost but he was a little worried about leaving Clay to his own devices for a whole weekend.

He knew from Juice overhearing a conversation that Clay had been reaching out to brothers in other charters. That was Jax's worse nightmare.

The last thing he needed was for Clay to convince brothers loyal to him to transfer to SAMCRO. Jax was the new kid on the block. It wouldn't take much to oust him from the President's seat.

Jax roared into the driveway of an unassuming bungalow on what seemed to be a quiet street. He climbed off his bike and took off his helmet. Jax chuckled looking over at Opie. "I never thought I'd see the day when Jason would be camping out in the suburbs."

Opie laughed. "I was thinking the same thing. I guess we all have to grow up at some point. Tara's got you driving around in a cage."

Jax flipped Opie off. "Thanks for reminding me of that shit."

The screen door to the house opened and, 35-year-old, Jason Brennan walked out onto the porch with a grin on his bearded face. He stood at 6 ft. 5in. and was a hulking 250lbs. Jason walked off the porch to greet Opie and Jax. "How the hell are the two of you?" asked Jason with a grin. His shoulder length blond hair made him look like an older Jax Teller.

Jax hugged him and said, "It is good to see you, brother."

Jason moved over to hug Opie. "It is good to see both of you. Rusty is in the house. Come on inside."

Jax and Opie followed Jason into the house.

Jason said, "Lucky, get your ass up. We've got company." He kicked the edge of the leather couch to wake up his sleeping son. "Get up!" bellowed Jason since the boy hadn't moved an inch.

The irritated 17 year old stood up and yawned. "Yeah yeah." He scratched and yawned tiredly.

Jax laughed and asked, "This can't be little Lucky…last time I saw him he was a short ass 13 year old."

Jason chuckled. "That was a long fucking time ago. Now he's a tall pain in my ass. Lucky, this is Jax Teller and Opie Winston from the mother chapter in Charming, California."

"Sup?" Lucky nodded in their direction and walked back toward his bedroom. Although he was 17 he already had ink on his arms.

Jason said, "If I was laying on the couch in my boxers when I was his age my pops would have kicked my ass down the hall and out of the fucking house."

Opie chuckled and said, "Kids…they've got it easier than we did. I started cleaning up shit around the garage at 11 to make money. My kid expects me to just hand it to him because he wakes up. At least my daughter is an angel."

Jason laughed and said, "Until she starts dating and then you will wish that you had sons. The other brothers have already told me to keep Lucky away from their daughters."

Jax chuckled. "Glad I only have sons."

"Do y'all want anything to drink?" asked Jason.

Jax said, "I could go for a beer."

"Yeah, me too," added Opie.

Jason said, "Well, shit have a seat. What is going on? I know you two didn't ride all the way out here to Reno to say hello. They've got telephones for that. Rusty! Bring three beers and get in here!"

Rusty Brennan walked into the living room carrying four bottles of beer. He was 6 ft. tall and 200lbs. with jet black hair that he kept cut low. He was 25 years old but he still lived with his older brother. Rusty handed everyone their beer. "I didn't believe Jase when he said you two were making the trip up here to see us. Must be something big." He flopped down in a recliner and looked at the two older men.

Opie sat down in a chair and waited for Jax to kick off the conversation. He was hoping that Jason and Rusty would be on board with their pitch. Opie took a swig of his beer and relaxed after that three hour ride.

Jax had a seat on the couch with Jason and nodded. "We need some new blood in SAMCRO. Shit has hit a skid lately. We lost a couple of brothers to death and one to prison. Right now we are limping with seven full-patch members. We've got three prospects and possibly a fourth on the way in. But it still isn't enough to do what we are doing. We'd like you and Rusty to join us at the table."

Jason said, "Just what are y'all into? I've heard a lot of rumors but you know…you can never trust what you don't hear first hand. But you know the grapevine started buzzing after Kozik went back to Tacoma in pieces."

There had been talk swirling around the other chapters for months that SAMCRO was in the drug business. It had only intensified when they found out that Armando had been killed by a cartel.

"You know we've been running guns for years and we are still doing that. But now our biggest buyer is the Galindo cartel. They pay top dollar for top shelf weapons. The club hasn't seen this much cash…ever. But there is a downside. In order to do business with Galindo we've got to mule their dope for them. We aren't involved in manufacturing or distribution but muling is just as dirty as anything else," said Jax honestly. He wanted Jason and Rusty to know what they were getting into before they agreed.

Opie spoke up and said, "We are coming to the two of you because we want new blood that we can trust sitting around that redwood table with us."

"New blood that is old," quipped Jason.

There were tons of brothers that Jax and Opie could have called on that would have been closer to home. They came for a sit down with him and Rusty for a reason.

Opie nodded. "Exactly, we are going to reach out to Mickey Vellenueva from the Joliette chapter, too."

"Chico's kid? You two really are looking for old blood. Feels like there is something else going on," said Jason.

Instead of recruiting brothers it seemed like they were recruiting allies. People that would have been loyal to John Teller. People that weren't fond of Clay Morrow.

Jax said, "I am going to lay it on the line. I took over for Clay after he got shot a couple of months back. He's out of the game for now. Thing is I think he is going to make a power play once he is back on his feet. I am not willing to give this patch back." He grabbed his cut for emphasis. "We might be brothers but we aren't family anymore."

Jason chuckled and asked, "Not family? Damn. How is that gonna play out with your mom?"

"My mom cut ties with him earlier this week. But he's got a lot of people that will still be willing to back him. And if he can entice them to transfer to SAMCRO I will be fucked when he calls for a no confidence vote. As it stands now the majority would swing my way. But if he fills two or three of those seats with his people…I either lose or we don't have a majority. That sort of dissension splits a club in half."

Rusty said, "You know our Pops always hated Clay. He never trusted him. We saw that he was right when he forced the patch on Indian Hills under the bullshit guise that it was for their own safety. Indian Hills lost a lot of good guys because of the feud they had to suffer through with the Mayans. And Clay never even tried to make that shit right."

Jax shook his head. "I never wanted to blindside Jury like that. But as V.P. I wasn't in the position to do anything but minimize the blow. Shit is different now that I'm President and Opie is V.P. Chibs is my Sgt-at-arms."

"You don't have to explain, Jax. We know. The old man filled us in on how it went down. Even how you accidentally came across some Mayans before SAMCRO was set to pull out of Indian Hills. We know that if you could have found a way around using Indian Hills you would have. Everyone knows how Clay works. He fucks you for his own benefit and then tells you that you like it. But, uh moving to Charming is a pretty big move for me," Jason said in thought.

"I know it is, man. But when I tell you that it will be worth your while I mean it. We are pulling in a couple hundred thousand per shipment. It is a nice cut after we pay overhead to the Irish and whack the rest up among the members," said Opie trying to sell Jason on the idea.

He could tell by the look on Rusty's face that he was on board but he wondered if Rusty would go for it if his brother decided to fall back.

Jax said, "And we really need someone to be treasurer and run our books. With Bobby getting pinched Opie is running the books. He has to count that shit out on his fingers and toes." He chuckled seeing Opie flip him off.

Jason blew out a breath and said, "My kid was going to start prospecting for the club in a couple of months. He's doing grounds work at a golf club right now to save up enough money to fix up his motorcycle."

"Lucky wants to prospect for the club?" asked Opie.

"Yeah, that is all he wants. He graduated high school a couple of weeks ago. He's been trying to figure out if he wants to be a prospect here in Reno or down in Indian Hills with his granddad."

Jax said, "So, Lucky can be a prospect for SAMCRO. I'd be willing to sponsor him."

Jason asked, "Jax, are you serious about sponsoring him? I've already told him that I wouldn't do it. I didn't want him looking soft going in with his old man as his sponsor."

Jax nodded and said, "Sure, I can show the kid the ropes and he can see if the club is really what he wants. And we are going through some tough times so this is the best time for it. He can see what the club is like when shit is upside down. We've got one prospect that we are going to patch in soon but there are still two more that are trying to work their way to a full patch. And another that is hanging around the club that is thinking about being a prospect."

Rusty said, "Well, I am in. I was a prospect here so everyone here remembers me as a kid. I wouldn't hate getting to go somewhere as an already patched member."

Opie chuckled. "Yeah, it takes years to get the newbie stink off of you. It goes away eventually. Usually, once someone younger and dumber than you gets patched in."

Jason chuckled. "Probably didn't help that he was my baby brother. Listen, I'd be happy to sit at the table with you guys, but I need to see where Lucky's head is first. If he is going to stick around here then I am going to stick around here until he turns 18. I'm all he's got."

Jax nodded and said, "I respect that, Jason. You've got to do what is best for your kid. We just wanted to put the offer on the table. Rusty, you are in though, right?"

"Oh, hell yeah. Just tell me when you want me to transfer and I will ask Griff to put it up to a vote."

Jax looked at Opie before looking back to Rusty. He asked, "How soon can you move?"

Jason laughed and asked, "Are you kidding me? He ain't got shit. He can pack up tomorrow if you need him to."

Rusty gave a shit eating grin and said, "I don't have a lot so that I can travel light."

"He doesn't have a lot because he spends his money on pussy and partying," chuckled Jason.

Jax smirked. "Those have always been my two favorite p's."


	7. Phantom Pain

Tara walked up to Gemma's house wondering if she was home. She didn't see Gemma's car and was too lazy to peer into the garage. Tara knocked on the front door and waited to see if she was home.

Gemma glanced out of the peephole before opening the door. "Hi, darlin'. What's going on?" Her long hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she was dressed casually in a pair of shorts and a tank top.

Tara took in the older woman's appearance with some interest. It was unusual to see Gemma out of her standard wardrobe of leather and lace. She cleared her throat and said, "I was wondering if you were home. I am not used to you parking in the garage."

Gemma chuckled, "It is better if Clay doesn't know whether I am home or not if he happens to ride down the street. Lately, he has turned into a bit of a stalker but I am sure that you are not here to talk about my parking practices. Is there something the matter?"

"Fair enough, Gemma. I need to talk to you about something important. It really can't wait. Can I come in?" asked Tara. She hadn't stepped foot into this house in months but she'd do anything for Jax.

"Sure, I need a break from cleaning anyway." She let Tara into the house and then locked the door behind them. In the last couple of days Gemma had added a second deadbolt to the front door for added security.

Gemma walked into the living room and had a seat on the couch. She lit up a cigarette and asked, "How are my grandsons? I am glad that you stopped by. I have a couple of birthday gifts for Abel and I picked up a couple of things for Thomas as well."

Tara sat down with Gemma. She looked around at the sealed boxes dotting the living room. "Oh, thank you. I'll be sure to get them before I leave. They are doing well. Thomas has been trying to walk and Abel loves pre-school, but I'm not here to talk about my sons. I am here to talk about yours."

"What about Jax?" asked Gemma curiously. She took a drag from her cigarette and relaxed against the couch.

"Are you going somewhere?" asked Tara. Her eyes went back to the boxes.

"Oh, those? No, I've been going through the closets and the basement trying to make sure I've got all of Clay's shit out of my house. The man has never liked throwing anything away and it has accumulated over the years," Gemma explained.

Tara walked around the living room looking at the boxes. They were all labeled and had Clay's name on them. It looked as if Gemma had been meticulous in excising Clay from her house and her life. "Is Clay coming over here to pick up the boxes?"

"No, Tigger is coming over later on to get the last of Clay's shit. I guess you could say that the two of us aren't communicating that well right now. Tends to happen when someone beats the shit out of you in your own home. Now, what about Jax? Is he okay?" asked Gemma in a concerned voice. The younger woman seemed to be beating around the bush.

Tara looked up from the boxes and said, "Jax was sort of confused after his last conversation with you. He is a little confused by some of the changes you are making in your life. He got the idea that you might be walking away from everything here in Charming."

"I have been thinking about moving out of Charming. I'm going to sell the house and I want something smaller like a condominium or a townhouse. They don't exactly have those here in Charming. So, I've been looking at some places in Stockton. I thought about waiting until Charming Heights is finished but that could take too long and I am not interested in sticking round any longer than I have to," said Gemma. She was confused by this line of questioning.

"What brought that on? I mean you love Charming…"

She shook her head and offered a light smirk. "I just need to make some changes in my life. I'm not happy, darlin. I haven't been happy in a very long time."

"Jax seems to think that he is one of those changes you are trying to make. He thinks you are cutting him out of your life right along with Clay and the club. Now I know how manipulative you can be so I figured this was some ploy to pull Jax back into your web of bullshit. I called around and found out you've listed the house with Chris Miller. You've had the garage appraised to sell. You really are moving, aren't you?" asked Tara almost in shock as she said the words. Gemma had always been so attached to Charming and Jax. Tara found it hard to imagine that she'd just up and leave either one of them.

"What? Why on Earth would Jax think that I am cutting him out of my life? He's the one that doesn't want anything to do with me. So, I am respecting that. I don't have the time nor the inclination to try to impose myself where I am not welcome. I've got better things I could be doing with my time."

"This situation isn't permanent. He is not trying to force you out of his life forever, Gemma. He's got the weight of the world on his shoulders and he feels betrayed by Clay and by you. That feeling of betrayal is your fault for lying to him for all of these years. You had the chance to tell the truth when Clay was in the hospital. You had nothing to fear but you still lied to Jax."

Gemma said, "After I lost Thomas I made Jackson my whole world. JT and I couldn't stand one another and I didn't have any other family. Jax was the only person I loved and he was the only person that loved me back. I knew if I told him the truth that I'd lose him for good and I was right."

Tara sighed and rubbed her temples. She didn't know why she was pushing for a reconciliation. Gemma being out of their lives had been good for them. She said, "He's hurt and he doesn't know if he can trust you but you are still his mother. He loves you, Gemma. You are doing this to punish him and it isn't right."

Gemma sighed softly and explained, "Sweetheart, I am not trying to punish, Jackson. I love that boy with all of my heart. All I've ever wanted was for him to be president of the club. For better or worse I've spent 30 some odd years dedicating my life to SAMCRO. I sacrificed so much of myself and so much of my happiness because I believed in this club and in my overzealousness I never considered what would be left for me and of me when it was all said and done."

Tara blinked slightly. "What do you mean?"

Gemma lit another cigarette and took a long drag. "Those months where Jax wouldn't even look in my direction just made me realize that I don't have anything to show for all of it. My parents are gone. My brothers are both dead. I lost one son to death and the other one can't stand the sight of me. I accepted you as my daughter and I lost you too. You didn't want me around Abel and Thomas. What do I have left?"

"Gemma..."

Gemma cut Tara off and continued, "I decided it was time to start making some things happen just for me. I'm in my 50's. My mother lived until she was 82 years old. My father died at the ripe old age of 89. I've got a good 30 or more years of my life left to live. I intend to live it. Someone asked me not long ago when was the last time I'd been on a vacation and I said never. I don't want to waste what is left of my life doing things for people that don't appreciate it."

"I'm not sure that I understand…"

"You got out of this town and made something of yourself. No matter what happens with you and my son in the long run you still have your career. I never had anything like that because I made my family and the club my only priorities. Well, I screwed up because now I don't have either one and for the first couple months I was lost. I had a hard time figuring out why I was still alive. I realize now that I need to change my life or I am going to die unfulfilled and alone. I'm sorry that Jax misunderstood our conversation. I could never cut Jax out of my life. Why didn't he just ask me himself?"

"Gemma, he was scared that you were going to say that you were done with him. I decided to come over to get the answer for myself. I know you love Jax and as much as I love my boys I'd be devastated if either of them ever shut me out the way Jax has shut you out. But you did this, Gemma. No one else. I know it hurts but I know Jax. He will come around eventually. You just have to give him time to get settled in this new life…whatever it is."

"I am not trying to rush him, sweetheart. I am just not going to twiddle my thumbs while I wait on him to forgive me. I've got a life to live and I am going to live it. I've got a good job and the love of a good man. I am going to enjoy being Gemma Teller."

Tara chuckled at the irony. "Just when I think I understand you…you do a complete 180."

"Jax will always be my heart and soul. Once you give birth to a child they are always part of you and you are always part of them. Jax being here is the only reason I made it through losing Thomas. I would have drank myself to death if it wasn't for Jackson."

Tara said, "Abel and Thomas are that for me. When I think about Abel almost dying as a baby it still…I dream about that sometimes. That made letting Wendy see Abel today even harder. She is responsible for the hell he went through the first few months of his life." It had driven her crazy watching Wendy interact with Abel. More than anything she wanted to bash her head in.

Gemma said, "I can't believe that junkie bitch is still around. She gave up her right to be his mother when she decided that a five dollar high was more important than Abel. It wasn't just once or twice. She'd been using for weeks before going into early labor."

She got up and walked into the dining room grabbing a couple of gift bags.

"My decision," said Tara in a warning voice.

"Of course it is your decision. I just wish that junkie whore would have died the second time she overdosed. No one hurts my family and gets to walk away from that," said Gemma.

Tara laughed sarcastically. "Really, Gemma?"

Gemma was about to fire off a retort when she heard a car pulling into the driveway. "That is probably Tig."

Gemma peered out the window and smiled seeing Elliot. She unlocked the front door waited for him.

Elliot walked into the house carrying groceries. "You are going to love my osso bucco." He leaned in and pecked Gemma on the lips. Elliot stopped seeing Tara sitting on the couch. "Am I early?"

Gemma laughed softly and said, "A little. I haven't even got a shower yet. I look horrible."

"You look beautiful. And I wasn't about to let you meet up with Tig and possibly Clay on your own. Not after what happened last time. I am going to take these bags into the kitchen." He nodded in Tara's direction. "Hi, Dr. Knowles."

Tara stood up from the couch in shock. "Hello, Mr. Oswald."

Elliot headed toward the kitchen.

"El, you need to pull your car into the garage. It'd be better if Clay didn't have a target for his rage if he drives by and sees your car in the driveway."

Elliot walked back out of the kitchen with a chuckle and kissed her cheek. "Good point. I've got the garage opener in my car. I'll be right back." He headed back outside.

Gemma went back over to the couch and had a seat with Tara. "I know that you and Jax doubt my motives. But every decision I've made…I made it with my son and his future in mind. Right or wrong, it is the truth."

"The sad part is that I think that you actually believe that, Gemma. But while you were so busy charting Jax's life course did you ever stop to find out what he wanted?" asked Tara.

The older woman frowned but didn't respond. Of course she had never given any real thought to what Jax wanted. She'd always assumed that his dreams were in line with her own. He'd became a prospect for the club as soon as he was able to. He loved his club. Gemma knew that much. But she was starting to wonder if Tara was right. Did Tara know Jax better than she did? Gemma was brought out of her thoughts by Tara's voice.

"So, you are already dating someone new? Doesn't take long for you to move on," Tara quipped watching Elliot walk into the kitchen after coming back into the house.

"My marriage to Clay has been on the skids since I was raped. It never got any better only worse. Then there is the whole bit of him killing Piney, trying to kill you, and nearly killing me. At a certain point you just have to call it quits. I thought I knew Clay and I didn't. I paid the price for that mistake."

"I guess there is a lot of that going around." She cleared her throat. "Jax and I are going to host a birthday party for Abel next week and we really want you to be there. No matter how I might feel about you I don't doubt that you love Abel and Thomas. And it isn't fair to deprive them of the only grandmother that they have. So, will you be there?" asked Tara.

Gemma lit up a little. She'd missed seeing her grandsons lately. "Of course I will be there. I can't wait to see them."

Tara smiled slightly. "Well, why don't you keep those gifts for them until the party? I know they will be excited to see you. Abel pretends to call you on his fake phone. I think he really misses you."

"I miss him, too. I love those boys so much. They remind me so much of Jax and Thomas when they were boys."

"They love you, too. I should get going. I just wanted to stop by to talk to you." Tara stood up grabbing her purse. She got ready to walk to the door and then paused. "Gemma?"

"Yes?" asked Gemma standing up as well.

"Maybe you should reconsider moving out of Charming. Jax and the boys would really miss you. And I guess…well, I guess that I would too."

"I will give that some thought." She looked around the house. "I know one thing. I've got to get the hell out of this house. For every good memory these walls hold there are two bad."

Tara said, "Yeah, I get that." She felt that way about her father's house.

Gemma walked Tara to the door and opened it for her. "Kiss my grandbabies for me, please."

"I will. Bye, Gemma."

Gemma watched Tara walk out to the minivan. She stayed at the door until Tara pulled off. She closed and locked the door.

Elliot stepped out of the kitchen and asked, "You okay?"

Gemma shrugged her shoulders slightly. "My son thought that I was cutting him out of my life. So, no."

She walked over to Elliot shaking her head.

He drew her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "Relationships with children are always messy. But you are a good mother. I know that much. You love your son."

"I just wish that he knew that. I was so excited about getting to live a life of my own I didn't even pay attention to how the conversation was affecting him. I've enjoyed being his mother. My time away from him just made me realize that I didn't have anything else. I'm just his mother. I was just Clay's old lady."

Elliot looked into her eyes. "I've known you since you were a little girl, Gemma. You've never been **_just_** anything. You've always been too complicated to be just one thing. Maybe you've put the rest of your life on the back burner for awhile but that doesn't have to be the case anymore. That is why I am taking you away for seven fun filled days in Key West."

"I haven't been to the beach in years," said Gemma in a slightly far away voice.

Elliot noted the shift in her voice and raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Is that wrong? I mean is there somewhere else you'd rather go?"

Gemma shook her head. "No, that is fine. Do you need any help cooking dinner?" She walked away from Elliot and went over to the sink washing her hands.

He stood there a moment trying to figure out what he'd said wrong. Elliot walked over to the sink and turned off the water. "Don't do that, Gemma. Don't pretend like there is nothing wrong. What just happened?"

"I am fine!" Gemma insisted.

"You are not! What's wrong?" asked Elliot in a more forceful voice.

Gemma took in a deep breath and stayed silent for a moment. "I haven't been to a beach in years. The last time I went was before Thomas got sick. John and I took the boys to Big Sur for the day. John wanted to do something special with them because he was heading to Belfast for a month."

He pulled Gemma into a tight hug. "We'll go somewhere else then. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She closed her eyes momentarily remembering that day at the beach. Gemma could almost hear Jax and Thomas laughing as John tossed them into the surf. She remembered threatening his life if he hurt one of her boys with all of the roughhousing.

"Don't be silly. It was years ago. Going to Key West will be fun. I understand their pies are deliciously tart. Remind you of anyone?"

"Just because it was years ago doesn't mean that it can't still hurt. You don't have to pretend to be okay with me, Gemma. You never have to pretend with me."

"You don't actually ever get over losing a child. You can't because when they die they take of piece of you with them. It is like having a limb cut off...even though it isn't there anymore, sometimes you can still feel those twinges of pain. I guess I've just been thinking about him a lot more lately with me and Jax not talking. But I am telling the truth when I say that I want to go to the beach. I never try to hide from my memories of Thomas. That's why his pictures are still hanging around this house. He might be gone but he's never gone from me," Gemma stood there with her face buried in Elliot's chest. She didn't want him to see her cry.

He didn't know how to console her so instead Elliot just gently caressed her back and let her cry into his chest.


	8. Back to Reality

Gemma opened her eyes tiredly and looked around seeing that they were now back in Charming. She smiled slightly glad that she'd slept through the long ride from LAX to Charming.

Elliot saw her moving out of the corner of his eye and smiled. "When you said that you were going to take a nap I didn't imagine that you would sleep the entire trip home."

She laughed softly and leaned over kissing Elliot's sun kissed faced. "The flight from Key West left me feeling very tired. I am sorry that I left you awake all on your own."

"It is fine. I listened to the Classic Rock station and enjoyed the peace and quiet in the meantime."

"Classic Rock?" She chuckled quietly. "That makes me feel very old. I remember when that music was first coming out. It hardly feels like it has been that long."

He smiled at Gemma and said, "Trust me it has been that long. When I unfold myself out of this car you are going to hear all manners of groans, pops, and creaks from my aged body."

"Well, at least it is an aged body that is in marvelous shape. You looked quite handsome running around shirtless on the beach. I enjoyed watching you," said Gemma.

"I am just happy that you enjoyed yourself. I was under a lot of pressure considering that I was taking you on your first real vacation. I wanted it to be good for you."

Gemma reached over and lightly squeezed Elliot's knee. "And it was, El. I enjoyed myself more than you could ever know. It was nice to just be Gemma. Not Clay's old lady or Jax's mother. I was just Gemma Teller and it was a lot of fun. What about you? Did you have fun?"

"Did I have fun watching you lay out on the beach in a bikini?" Elliot asked incredulously.

Gemma erupted into laughter.

"Yes, I'd say that I had a real nice time. I'm old, sugar, not dead," replied Elliot laughing. He went quiet for a minute and asked, "Do you want to stay the night at my house?"

"I've been away from home for a week. I think I'd like to go home and just relax in my own bed. Besides, I've got a lot of work to get done around the house if I am going to let the realtor start showing the house next week. The house is in good shape but it needs a good top to bottom cleaning."

Elliot nodded in understanding, but didn't say anything.

"Why don't you stay the night with me?" asked Gemma. She didn't want Elliot to think she was making up excuses to put him off.

He glanced at Gemma briefly before moving his eyes back onto the road. "Are you sure?" He was wondering if a week alone with him was too much.

Elliot and Gemma started seeing one another while Clay was serving his 14 month prison sentence. The sneaking around turned out to be exhilarating for both of them. It had been hard on Elliot when Clay was released from prison. Going back to just being Gemma's friend was more difficult than he initially thought.

Even though he was sorry that she'd suffered such a horrible assault at the hands of Clay, he was glad that she'd decided to finally leave the man. Once Elliot was sure that Gemma was done with Clay he'd started pursuing her once again. But that too had been low-key as to not draw unwanted attention.

He wondered if Gemma's feelings were changing now that she was a free woman and no longer needed to sneak around.

"Yes, I am serious, Elliot. Why not?" asked Gemma.

Elliot pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. He smiled and said, "Okay. I need to stop by the house to pick up a change of clothes for work in the morning. And I need to make a couple of business calls. But after that I'll be back to spend the night with you."

Gemma smirked slightly. "Good, I was thinking that I was going to have to convince you that spending the night was the right idea." She climbed out of his car grabbing her purse.

Elliot chuckled as he got out of the car. "Wait! What does this convincing include?"

She laughed. "Too late. You've already given in. I'll have to save that for a different time."

"Next time I will have to hold out for the big prize." He winked at Gemma and opened the trunk. Elliot retrieved her bags and carried them to the front door.

She unlocked the door and walked into the house. "I need to go to the post office in the morning to pick up my mail. I am sure there is a ton of it."

Elliot started down the hallway to Gemma's bedroom with the bags

"Oh, you can just leave the bags in the living room. I need to wash the clothes anyway. No sense in having to carry them all the way back down here later."

"Ah, makes sense," he said. Elliot set the bags by the couch for Gemma.

"I am going to wash clothes tonight. Do you want to bring in your bags and I can wash your clothes too?" asked Gemma.

Elliot said, "You don't have to go to the trouble. I'll just take them home."

"If it was trouble then I wouldn't have offered. Bring your clothes in and I will toss them in with mine."

He chuckled at her brashness. "Alright, you've worn me down. I'll be right back."

Elliot walked back out to his car and retrieved his bags. He carried them into the house and set them next to Gemma's bags. "I need to run home. But I'll be back in a couple of hours. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner?"

"Stop at the store and pick up a couple of steaks for dinner. I'll cook them for us."

"Okay." He leaned in kissing Gemma tenderly.

"Bye, Elliot." She walked him out and then watched him pull away.

Elliot stopped after he pulled out of the driveway. "Lock up before I pull off," he called out.

"You worry too much!" Gemma laughed softly but walked into the house locking the door behind her. She walked over to the bags and dragged them over to the couch.

She sifted through all of their dirty clothes and separated them into piles. Gemma picked up the first pile and went into the laundry room depositing them into the washer. She got the load started and then headed down the hall to her bedroom to get a shower.

Gemma walked into her bedroom and let out a startled gasp seeing Clay sitting on her bed. She swallowed hard but held her ground. "What the hell are you doing here, Clay?"

Clay smiled evilly. "I just wanted to come visit my lovely wife. I overheard Jax telling Chibs that you and Elliot would be returning from your trip to Key West, Florida. How was it, darlin? Hot enough for you?"

"It was great. How the hell did you get in here?" asked Gemma.

"You know…I've been telling you for years that you needed a better lock on that sunroom door. But you never listened."

"You need to leave, Clay. Don't make me call Jax. If I am not mistaken…he was very clear about you not bothering me anymore."

Gemma kept her composure but all the while her mind was racing to map out an exit strategy.

"Go right ahead and call him. Because I am not going anywhere. You and I have a lot of unfinished business to take care of tonight. I am glad you sent your little boy toy home. He would have ruined all of my plans for tonight. I have been demoted from the position that is rightfully mine. All because of you and your fucking son! I am humiliated in front of my brothers…in front of this town. You are going to feel the humiliation and pain that I feel, Gemma." Clay brought his hands into view to reveal that he was wearing workman's gloves.

Gemma carefully backed out of the bedroom. Once she was out of the room she ran toward the home office. The look in Clay's eyes told Gemma everything that she needed to know about his intentions.

She grabbed the cordless phone in the office and tried to call out. Gemma frowned realizing that she didn't have a dial tone. She glanced at the wall and realized that Clay had ripped the wires out of the wall.

Clay stood in the doorway and chuckled. "Did you really think that I was going to make it that easy for you?"

He calmly walked into the room. "You have been nothing but ungrateful and deceitful. You threw me under the bus when you realized that you were in too deep. What were those vows you took Gemma? For better or worse? In sickness and in health? Til death do us part. I took them very serious. The only way you are getting out of this marriage is if you die."

Gemma tried to dart passed Clay as a last ditch effort to go for help.

Clay grabbed her by the hair easily and slung her into the hallway. He brutally punched Gemma in the face repeatedly but kept a firm grip on her hair so that she couldn't tear away from him. The strikes from Clay's fist were precise and vicious. This wasn't just about killing Gemma it was about punishing her.

Gemma screamed in pain and did her best to fight back against the man that easily dwarfed her in height and weight. Gemma swung her fist at Clay landing a few blows but it wasn't enough to stop him.

Clay growled in anger after she landed a couple of punches. He couldn't have marks on him when this was all over. Jax could never know that he was the person that killed Gemma. He'd stage the scene to look like it was an attack from Damon Pope. He threw her face first into a mirror hanging in the hallway. The mirror shattered on impact cutting Gemma's face. He repeatedly slammed her face into the wall making a hole in the drywall.

She dropped to the floor like a stone losing consciousness from the blows.

Clay grabbed Gemma by the hair and dragged her down the hall to her bedroom. He lifted Gemma up and tossed her onto the bed that they once shared.

He stood over Gemma watching her lay there in an unconscious state. Clay pulled back and started hitting Gemma all over again. This had to be a beating. It had to be so outlandish that Jax would never consider that Clay was the culprit.

Clay's punches were slow and methodical. There was no rage only cool calculation. For months Clay had thought about what he'd do if he ever got the chance to get Gemma by herself. He had dreamed about how he'd pay back the woman that played him for a fool. That had abandoned him when he needed her the most. The woman that sent her son to kill him when he was helpless in the hospital bed.

Well, she was the one that was helpless now and she would pay for all of the conniving, manipulation, and backstabbing. Gemma was going to regret the day that she decided to betray him.

For what seemed like an eternity Clay's powerful fists battered Gemma's unconscious body until he no longer had the energy or desire to continue brutalizing his wife.

But Clay's mission was not yet complete. He had a seat next to Gemma's body on the bed to catch his breath. All of the effort had taken a lot out of him.

Thirty minutes later Gemma regained consciousness. Her entire body was in unbelievable pain. She tried to move but cried out in pain. She opened her swollen eyes hoping that Clay was gone.

Clay walked over to the bed with a smile. "I was wondering when you'd wake up again."

"Please…please," muttered Gemma desperately.

"Please what, darling? What exactly is it that you are begging me for?" asked Clay with an amused chuckle as he sat beside her on the bed.

Gemma struggled to speak. "Please…please let...me...go." Her chest was in so much pain at the moment. She could hardly draw in enough air to breathe.

"I could do that…but then you'd tell Jax all about this and then my overall chances for survival would go down severely."

Gemma attempted to laugh at him but it came out as a strangled cough.

"You…actually think…Jax will let…you live. He's going to kill you when he no longer needs you," wheezed Gemma.

"Not if I kill him first," said Clay. He wrapped his gloved hands around Gemma's throat and started choking her with all of his might. He watched as her face started to change colors as her oxygen supply was cut off. Clay choked Gemma until she stopped breathing.

Clay grabbed a small black duffel bag and exited the house through the sunroom. He couldn't bring himself to spend a moment longer in the room with Gemma's corpse. Clay still loved her but Gemma had to die.

Clay needed Jax focused on the ongoing feud with Damon and the Niners. This was sure to get the young king's attention. Jax already felt guilty that a conspiracy he signed up for had managed to get a woman killed. It reminded him too much of Donna's death. Not to mention the death of Gemma would hit Jax hard. He wasn't on good terms with Gemma but he still loved his mother. More than he was willing to admit at the moment but Clay knew Jax better than the boy gave him credit for.

Lastly, Gemma needed to die because she knew all of Clay's secrets and that made her a danger to his survival. She quite literally knew where the bodies were buried and could therefore bury him with the club or law enforcement if she decided to blow the whistle.

No one would suspect Clay of brutally beating, raping, and killing Gemma. Hell most of the boys expected Gemma to take Clay back at some point. And even if Jax suspected him Clay had an alibi for the night. He was supposed to be at Tig's house. However, Tig had passed out earlier in the night. When Tig was distracted earlier in the evening Clay slipped a sedative into the drink. His old friend would be none the wiser.

Tig was having a difficult time adjusting to Jax being at the head of the table. It didn't help that Jax held Tig partly responsible for the feud they were in with the Niners. They wouldn't be in this spot if Tig hadn't gone off the reservation and went after LaRoy without getting the okay from his V.P.

Clay walked a couple of blocks over and climbed into the tow truck he'd taken from the garage earlier in the day when drove a drunken Tig home. He surveyed the area cautiously to make sure he didn't have any unwanted witnesses. Once Clay was sure the coast was clear he sped away from the curb.


	9. Numb

Jax was seated at the kitchen table talking to Opie. Next week Jason, Rusty, and Lucky would be moving to Charming. "I got the call tonight. The Reno chapter voted to let Jason and Rusty go. Now all we need is to make sure that they get voted in here."

Opie said, "Shouldn't be that difficult. Clay is the only one that might try to raise an objection. But he can't do it without looking like a cantankerous prick. I've already felt out Chibs and Juice about the transfers. They both seem to be on board."

"Good, I want this to go smoothly. The more votes we have going our way the better."

"You really worried about Clay making a play for the president's patch?" asked Opie. He looked at his friend concerned about the level of worry he saw on his face.

"He's been too calm and accepting of the fact that I am running roughshod over him. When have you ever known Clay just to lay back and take it? He's working on a way to get me out of the big chair you can take that much to the bank."

"I still wish you would have let me put a bullet in his head when I had the chance," said Opie.

Jax shook his head. "If you had we would all be facing a RICO case right now. Your kids would be left with Mary for the rest of their lives. That's gotta scare the shit out of you."

Opie laughed heartily. "Point taken, brother. Point taken. How are things with you and Tara?"

"She's adjusting to the lifestyle. She doesn't like it even though she is trying to be supportive. This isn't the life that she wanted. And it damn sure isn't any safer. Not to mention she's got to look at Clay's fucking face and know that he tried to kill her. But she's really stepped up. When I told her about Jason transferring here she offered to look for rental places before they got here to make the transition easier. What is going on with you and Lyla?"

"That shit is over and done with, brother. I rushed it for all of the wrong reasons. I hooked up with her because I was still grieving for Donna. I asked Lyla to marry me because I wanted her to quit the porn business. I tried to be okay with her line of work but at the end of the day I wasn't okay with it. I don't know a real man that would be."

Jax shook his head. "One that doesn't give a fuck about her. I mean if she was just another hole then yeah…it'd be okay. But not someone that is your wife."

"And finding out about the abortion was really the last straw. We were both lying to each other and I am not even sure why. I was relieved when she filed for divorce. I didn't want to be the one to do it. I hope your marriage has better luck than mine."

Jax glanced at the yellow gold band on his ring finger. "You and me both, brother. The reception next week should be fun. It'll be a good way to celebrate my new marriage. Not to mention Jason and Rusty transferring into SAMCRO."

"Gemma going to be back in town by then?" asked Opie.

"Yeah, she should already be back home. She told me that she was flying back tonight. Clay put a call in to the Irish this afternoon. Galaan said that they'll make a trip back to the states in two months. Apparently, they can't make the trip any sooner."

Opie shrugged his shoulders. "Well, they are wanted in any number of countries. I'd imagine sneaking into the country isn't the easiest of feats with all of the heightened security. You know times have changed when you need a passport to cross over into fucking Canada. The cowboy days are definitely over."

Tara walked into the kitchen.

Jax looked up and saw the strange look on her face. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked, as he walked over to her.

"I just got a call from the hospital. It's your mother."

"What about her?" asked Jax with a confused look on his face.

"They need you at the hospital, Jax. You're her next of kin. They wouldn't tell me anything. They just said that they needed you at the hospital now," said Tara.

Opie stood up. "I'll come with, Jax."

Jax just stood there in shock for a minute.

"Jax, you need to go…now," said Tara trying to snap him out of the daze he seemed to be in.

Jax nodded numbly. "Yeah, I want Phil to come over here to keep an eye on you and the boys."

"I'll call him now," said Opie taking out his cell phone and walking out of the kitchen to make the call.

"They didn't tell you anything?" asked Jax.

She shook her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jax responded.

He looked at her briefly before walking out without another word. He climbed onto his bike not bothering to wait on Opie. Jax sped off in the direction of St. Thomas hospital.

When Jax arrived he carelessly parked his bike and rushed into the hospital. He went straight to the nurses' station. "I'm Jax Teller. Someone here called me about my mother but they wouldn't give my wife any information."

The nurse's eyes widened and then saddened a little. "My name is Gina. Mr. Teller, come with me, please." She walked around the desk to collect the panicked man.

"Just tell me what is going on!" Jax demanded.

"I-I can't. I am not authorized to release that sort of information. But I can take you to a private waiting room while you wait for someone that can," Gina explained.

"Is she dead?" asked Jax. He refused to move. Jax didn't want to be ushered away to some quiet room. He wanted to know the truth.

Gina opened her mouth to speak and sighed in relief when she saw a female doctor walking up the hall. "Dr. Sanders, this is Mr. Teller."

Dr. Sanders said, "Mr. Teller, let's have this conversation somewhere a little more private."

"I already told her that I ain't going anywhere until I know what the hell is going on. What aren't you telling me? Is my mother dead?"

Dr. Sanders cleared her throat. "No, your mother isn't dead. However, she is having emergency surgery to reduce the swelling in her brain and to fix a bleed that we spotted."

Jax's shoulders slumped and he didn't know what to say for a moment. "What happened to her? Was she in some sort of accident?" asked Jax finally looking up into the woman's face.

"Your mother was brought in following an assault. That is all we know at this time. Sheriff Roosevelt might have more information about what happened. I can only inform you of her medical condition," said Dr. Sanders.

"And what is that? Brain surgery is serious right?" asked Jax.

"It is serious but she is in the hands of a very skilled neurosurgeon. Of course there is always the chance for complications but at the moment we aren't anticipating any. But the next 24 hours will be crucial to see if she will regain consciousness."

"Because of her head? I don't understand. You aren't speaking English right now!" yelled Jax.

Opie finally made it to the hospital and put and hand on Jax's shoulder.

Jax looked back at Opie not sure what to say. "Just tell me what happened to her, doctor."

"Your mother was brought in with facial and cranial injuries. She suffered from broken ribs as well. She had ligature marks on her neck that look to be the result of manual strangulation. EMS was advised when they picked her up that she was non-responsive and unconscious when she was found. We have reason to believe that she wasn't breathing for a period of time. Without proper oxygen the brain starts to shut down. Even if she survives the surgery there is a chance that she is suffering from some sort of brain damage. We won't know until…well if she wakes up."

Opie said, "Who called EMS?"

Dr. Sanders opened the chart in her hand and skimmed over the information. "Elliot Oswald, he administered CPR. He identified himself as her boyfriend and said that we should call Mrs. Morrow's son."

"Don't call her that…" said Jax.

"What?" asked Dr. Sanders confused.

"She's divorcing the son of a bitch. Don't call her Mrs. Morrow. Call her Gemma or Mrs. Teller. Or Ms. Madock just don't call her that!"

"I understand. I am going to go check on the progress of _Gemma's_ surgery. I'll be back with an update as soon as there is one." She headed through a set of double doors that led to the OR.

Jax looked at Opie. "I want you to find Clay. I want to know where he was tonight. I want to know what he was doing."

Sheriff Roosevelt walked over to the two men and said, "Jax…"

Jax said, "I need a minute." He walked off.

Opie look at Roosevelt. "What are you doing here? Waiting to pick the bones?"

He shook his head. "I know you have a low opinion of law enforcement but a woman getting attacked in her own home is something that I am going to make damn sure doesn't happen again. Any idea where Clay Morrow is?"

"Why?" asked Opie quirking an eyebrow.

"He's a suspect. I've got an eye witness account that he has threatened the victim on several occasions. Not to mention she has a restraining order against him. And they are going through a divorce. He's naturally going to be my first suspect. This works out better if he comes in for questioning. If I have to find him on my own I am going to think that he has something to hide. Be sure to pass that message along for me." Eli walked off to confer with two of his officers.

Opie shook his head. They needed Clay alive. But if he was responsible for this he didn't know how to make that happen. He went outside to get some privacy and called Chibs and Happy.

Jax walked into the chapel and spotted Elliot Oswald sitting in one of the pews. He walked over and grabbed him.

Jax screamed, "What happened? Don't lie to me! I will kill you right here and now!"

Elliot was stunned out of his prayers. "I don't know, Jax."

"What do you mean you don't know? You were supposed to be with her! She didn't get home until tonight!" yelled Jax.

"I dropped Gemma off at home around 7:00 tonight. I left for maybe two hours. I came back with steaks for dinner and the place was wrecked. I found Gemma on the floor in the bedroom. She was unconscious and barely breathing. There was so much blood. I...I..."

"How'd you get into the house?" asked Jax staring him down. His eyes scanned the older man's body for any signs of a fight, but there were no such marks.

"Gemma gave me keys to the house a couple of weeks ago. She has keys to my house, too. I didn't do this to your mother. I'd never hurt her like that. I could never hurt Gemma. You have to know that this was Clay. He has it out for her. I tried to convince Gemma to get an alarm system but she's been dragging her feet. I told her that Clay was dangerous. I told her!"

Jax released his grip on Elliot seeing the anguish on the man's face. He really was broken up about Gemma's situation. "What do you mean that Clay has it out for her?"

"He showed up a couple weeks ago with a gun. Clay threatened her. He said that she'd be sorry for betraying him. It would have really gotten out of hand of Tig wasn't there to break it up. I tried to get Gemma to take the threat seriously but…she said that she could handle Clay. And for some reason I believed her. I was only gone for two hours…that's it. Just two hours. I went home to get clothes and then I stopped by the construction office. There were some contracts that I needed to sign and I ended up getting stuck at the office talking to a couple of my foremen. She looked so broken when I found her. At first I couldn't even tell if she was still alive."

Jax's blood boiled thinking that Clay was responsible for the attack on Gemma. He'd let the bastard live because of the CIA and this was what happened.

Opie walked into the chapel and pulled Jax to the side. In a lowered voice, he said, "I tasked Chibs and Happy with finding Clay and taking him to the club. The sheriff is looking for him too. What do you want us to do, Jax?"

Jax closed his eyes for a moment. "Turn him over to the sheriff. We don't need Roosevelt poking around the club house for any reason."

Opie nodded. He knew that Jax was making a painfully difficult decision for the club. Clay couldn't die. Not yet anyway. But the CIA didn't say anything about him not going to jail. If they wanted him cut loose they'd have to work their own magic on that. "You got it, brother."

He left the chapel to give Chibs and Happy the order.


	10. Gone

The next day Jax sat next to Gemma's bedside waiting to see if she'd wake up. Gemma had survived the surgery and the doctors were hopeful that she might wake up soon. The waiting was agony for the young man. He looked across the room at Elliot Oswald sitting on the other side of Gemma's bed.

The older man looked as if he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Jax said, "I can stay with her. I'm not going home tonight. You can go home and get some rest. You look like you could use a little sleep."

"I want to be here in case she wakes up. I should be here for her. If I went home I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. Besides, the last time I left her alone…"

Elliot shook his head unable to finish that statement. He kept going over the events of the night in his head. Elliot had only been gone for two hours but it was shaping up to be the worst mistake of his life. More importantly he was beginning to wonder if it had been a set up to keep him away from the house. There was nothing of substance in the conversation at his office that couldn't have waited until the next day.

"You care about my mother a lot," said Jax. He'd spent several hours observing Elliot's behavior. The man was attentive and distraught almost simultaneously. Jax could tell that Elliot was trying to mask the depth of his feelings for Gemma in his presence.

"Yeah, I do," said Elliot in a distant voice.

"How long have the two of you been together?" asked Jax. The amount of attachment he was seeing from Elliot wasn't something that developed over the span of a couple of weeks. Elliot had cleared his calendar to stay at the hospital with Gemma.

Elliot looked up at Jax with bloodshot eyes and then moved his gaze back to Gemma's face. He didn't know if she'd want him telling Jax the truth. Gemma wanted some privacy in her life. "Maybe that is something…"

Jax cut him off and said, "I can't exactly ask her right now, can I? Listen, I am not trying to hassle you. I am just trying to figure out what is going on. I haven't really been part of her life for a few months. It seems like I've missed out on a lot in that time. Until she showed up at the club with divorce papers I was under the impression that she might get back with Clay."

Elliot cleared his throat slightly. "We've been getting closer since I put up the bail money for the club back when all of you got arrested on those gun charges. We started talking over the phone on a regular basis, but I started seeing Gemma while you and Clay were in prison. She had a hard time adjusting to the two of you being gone. That loneliness sort of swallowed her whole."

"So you've been dating her since then?" asked Jax.

"No, we stopped dating once Clay got out, but we kept in touch. She was trying to make it work even though she didn't want to be with him anymore. I tried to convince her to leave him, but she wouldn't until after he beat her within an inch of her life. I wanted to kill him when I saw what he did to her," said Elliot.

Jax thought back to the morning he saw Gemma's battered face and said, "You aren't the only one that wanted him dead."

"And yet...he is still alive and well," said Elliot. He knew how much Gemma loved her son but he couldn't help blaming Jax for not putting Clay down when he had the chance.

Jax was adept at reading body language and he could see the waves of contempt coming at him from the other side of the bed. Part of him feared that Elliot's assumption was right. If Clay was responsible for this newest attack on Gemma how could he possibly leave the man alive.

Elliot continued, "We kept our relationship quiet because she didn't want to cause trouble with Clay. Didn't work out so well when he showed up at the house when I was bringing Gemma home from a date. He basically started stalking her after that. I told Gemma to call the police but she didn't want to cause trouble for the club or you."

Jax shook his head and flexed his fingers thinking about grinding Clay into dust. "Why didn't she tell me about Clay showing up at the house? Or that he was stalking her? I promised that I would keep him on a leash."

Elliot said, "She said that things were strained between the two of you. You were nearly petulant when she asked you to get Clay to sign the divorce papers. Gemma said that she would just handle the Clay situation on her own. Your mother has always been fearless…to a fault sometimes."

"I don't care what is going on between us. I would never leave her exposed to danger. I wouldn't let Clay hurt and harass her just to get back at her," said Jax. He silently wondered if Gemma really thought he'd be so petty toward her.

Elliot looked at Gemma's face for a moment and said, "She's just having a hard time navigating your relationship right now, Jax. The love is always there...in her heart she knows that."

Jax nodded slightly, "How was the vacation?"

"It was paradise and I never wanted to leave. She was so happy in Key West. Gemma has a beautiful smile when she lets you see it. I'm not talking about a smirk or a grin...but an actual smile. It was the happiest I've seen her in a long time. She looked hopeful to me."

Elliot passed Jax his cell phone showing him a picture he snapped of Gemma dressed up at a concert.

Jax smiled briefly and passed the phone back to Elliot. "Where was this taken?"

"We went to a Bruce Springsteen concert in Miami before going on to Key West. Your mother loves The Boss."

"I've been trying to understand this new version of her but I don't get it. She talked to Tara one weekend while I was away and I guess they talked about how unhappy my mom has been with her life. I guess she's pissed off with everything she gave up for me."

The older man shook his head. "Your mother would do anything for you, Jax. Her frustration isn't with you…it is with herself. Gemma is smart, ambitious, and beautiful. There were things that she wanted to do in her life that she didn't do because she was a wife and a mother. Her life is her family and suddenly that is all gone. Gemma is just trying to find herself. Something she could have done years ago if she didn't marry a man 17 years her senior before she hit the age of 20. As you get older you begin to look back and wonder if you made the right choices in life. You wonder if the sacrifices you made were really worth it. No one is immune to those doubts. Not even Gemma."

Dr. Sanders walked into the room. "Mr. Teller, could I speak with you out in the hallway?"

Jax nodded slightly. "Yeah, sure." He got up and walked toward the door. Jax glanced back at Elliot and asked, "Are you coming?"

Elliot was shocked that Jax was asking him to join in on the conversation. "Sure."

He followed Jax and Dr. Sanders out to hallway and closed the door behind them. Elliot looked at the doctors expectantly. They had been waiting all day for an update on Gemma's condition. She had yet to regain consciousness and that was beginning to worry Elliot. He worried that she might never open her eyes again.

Clay and Tig were headed toward Gemma's room to visit and to inform Jax that Clay had been cleared as a suspect in Gemma's case. They slowed down their pace seeing Jax and Elliot outside of her room with the doctors.

Dr. Sanders said, "This is Dr. Rubin. He is assisting on your mother's case."

Dr. Rubin said, "We've ran a couple of tests on your mother to see how she's doing. Right now she's stable and that is good news. However, I do have some bad news. Gemma was pregnant with twins prior to the attack. Your mother suffered a miscarriage as a result of the assault. We initially assumed that the bleeding was from the forcible rape but that was not the case. The surviving fetus that she is carrying is distressed. It is very likely that she is going to miscarry sometime in the near future."

"Fetus? Miscarriage?" asked Jax in shock. "What the hell are you talking about?" He looked back at Elliot as if he was looking for answers.

Elliot stared back at Jax blankly. He was just as shocked, if not more. His knees suddenly felt very weak. Elliot's face went pale as his mind raced.

Clay froze hearing that Gemma had been pregnant. "How far along is she?"

Jax whirled around and glared at Clay. "Get away from me! This has nothing to do with you!"

"It has everything to do with me. She is still my wife!" insisted Clay. He quickly did the math and knew there was no way he could be the father of this baby. They hadn't been together in months.

Dr. Rubin frowned slightly. "I am so sorry. I was under the impression that you were aware. She was 12 weeks pregnant with twins at the time of her assault."

Clay's face soured as he realized that Elliot had been the father. He felt his jaw twitch in anger and walked off. She had truly moved on with her life. But now he had a bigger problem. Gemma was going to wake up at some point and point the finger at him. He couldn't believe that she'd survived his attack on her. The stubborn bitch just wouldn't die.

Elliot stood there unable to form words. "She lost one baby but the other one…?"

"As I said we are not optimistic about the fetus' chances. I'd say maybe a 30% chance of making it through the week. After that I'd bump it up to 40% of making it to through the second trimester. I am very sorry for breaking the news to you this way. I just assumed that you already knew."

Elliot swallowed hard. His eyes were a little glassy. He said, "I don't think Gemma knew that she was pregnant. We were drinking alcohol the entire time that we were on vacation. And she hadn't mentioned anything to me about being pregnant. Hell, I didn't even think that she could anymore. We never used protection we were only seeing one another and she's in menopause."

Dr. Rubin said, "That may explain why she wasn't aware of the pregnancy. Despite a steady decline in fertility once you start perimenopause it is not uncommon for women in the transition stages of menopause to become pregnant and be unaware. Without a regular menstrual cycle and the constant fluctuations of hormones it is possible that the normal symptoms of a pregnancy were absent. We also see a lot of menopausal women getting pregnant because they think it is no longer necessary to use proper protection, but infertility only exists in women that have stop menstruating completely for about a year."

Jax rolled his eyes at the awkward conversation before it slowly dawned on him that he'd just lost a sibling and would most likely lose another. And then he thought about having to tell his mother the news when she finally woke up. "Is there anything else?"

"Not at the moment. When we know more about your mother's condition I will update you. And if there are any changes with the fetus I will let you know," said Dr. Rubin. The doctors walked away leaving the two men standing in the hallway alone.

Elliot leaned against the wall shaking his head. He was an old man and had no intention of raising anymore children. However, that didn't mean that this situation didn't break his heart. He'd lost a child before he even knew he had one and from all accounts he was going to lose another. "What the hell are we going to say to Gemma?"

Jax turned and looked at Elliot. "I'm sorry, Elliot. I'm sorry. All we can do is tell her the truth."

"This thing with you is killing her to begin with. She's missing Thomas more than she's willing to admit to me. She was just trying to figure out how to be happy. How the hell am I supposed to tell her that she lost a baby that she didn't even know she was pregnant with?"

It was like a jab to his heart hearing that Gemma was suffering. He didn't want that or maybe he did. Jax knew that shutting her out of his life and refusing to call her mother was hurting her. The first time he called her Gemma he saw the pain on her face. It was like he'd slapped her. Even letting her come to Abel's party had been a slap. He barely spoke to her at the party and kept her at arms' length the entire time. Without warning Jax felt his eyes beginning to water.

Elliot noticed and said, "Your mom is going to pull through this, Jax. Anyone else would have died from what she went through but she is still here. She's not leaving us yet."

He patted the younger man on the back.

Jax nodded slightly. His voice cracked as he said, "I need a smoke."

He shoved his hands into his jeans' pockets and walked away.

Elliot took a deep breath and walked back into Gemma's hospital room. He watched the monitors that tracked her vitals and walked over to her bed. Elliot looked at her battered and cut face for a moment before his eyes trailed down to her blanket covered abdomen.

Elliot chuckled softly and said, "We really fucked up this time around, kid. So much for me being a good Catholic boy."

He gently squeezed her hand. "I just need you to wake up, Gem. Jax needs you to wake up, too. He's hurting, baby. He's hurting bad. Even if he says that he doesn't want you around he needs you, Gemma. Hell, I need you, too. So…you just have to wake up. Please?"

Tara walked into the room with flowers in hand. She tried to pretend that she hadn't been listening at the door. "Sorry to interrupt."

Elliot shook his head and said, "It's fine. If you are looking for Jax I think he went outside to get some air."

Tara smiled sadly. "I saw him on my way in. He'll be back in soon. I thought some flowers would help brighten up Gemma's room. She has quiet the green thumb."

She placed the flowers on the stand across from Gemma's bed.

Elliot felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to make small talk under these circumstances. "She does love to garden. Gemma mentioned that you and Jax got married. Congratulations."

Tara said, "We got married at the court house. We were supposed to have a reception for everyone next week but after this…no one feels like celebrating right now. Least of all me and Jax. Abel asked me about her today. He likes to play telephone…he always pretends to call Gemma. He asked if we could call her for real today."

She wiped away the tears sliding down her cheeks.

Elliot looked around the room and spotted a box of tissues. He gently laid Gemma's hand back onto the bed and went over getting the box for Tara.

She accepted the box gratefully. "Thank you. She makes it so hard to love her, you know. Gemma says and does terrible things. She hurts people with her lies, manipulation, and narcissism. But at the end of the day all I wanted was for her to love me. We got so close while Jax was in prison. Her strength is the only thing that kept me going some days."

"Gemma is complicated. She is everything you say that she is. She will use every trick in her arsenal to get what she wants but when she loves you…I was married for 20 years and my ex-wife never showed the dedication that Gemma has shown me in four months. I look at her and wonder what could have been. Both of our lives could have been very different. She hasn't been herself lately and I don't know how to help her. I don't think that I can. They only thing that is going to fix that is Jax."

"My telling Jax the truth wasn't to hurt, Gemma," said Tara. She felt like he was silently judging her or maybe she just felt guilty.

Elliot chuckled softly. "Sure it was. Gemma knew why you told Jax the truth. Even if Jax was too blind to see it. We've talked about it at length. She admitted that in your position she probably would have done the same thing."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean…"

"You told Jax the truth to cement the fact that you are the only one he can trust. You knew it would put a wedge between mother and son. How could it not? It is particularly damning information. I mean it threw me for a loop when she told me."

Tara bristled at Elliot's evaluation of the situation. She scowled. "I am not the villain here."

"No, that is exactly my point. You told Jax the truth to ensure he knew that Gemma was the villain in this story. And she is…having the affair and being complicit in John's murder. There is no way she walks away from that smelling like roses but their bond is strong. You know that he is going to forgive her at some point. However, when he does that relationship will be changed forever and the pull she's always had on him will be weaker. And the pull you've had on him since you were teenagers will be stronger than ever. He'll be your husband first and her son second."

Tara flashed back to the day outside the club when she confronted Gemma about not giving Jax all of the letters. Her frowned deepened and she said, "I just wanted my husband to know the truth."

Elliot smiled asked, "The fallout was just a fringe benefit? There is no need to be defensive. Gemma had long since made her peace with your decision. She understood why you did it. If anyone can understand a self-serving mission it is Gemma. She didn't resent you. Besides the two of you pushing her out of your lives...pushed her deeper into mine and for that I am a grateful."

Tara looked at Gemma's battered face. "I figured she hated me. I kept waiting for her to take her revenge on me somehow."

"Gemma loves you. She would never want to hurt you. Besides…she figured the best revenge was letting you and Jax learn that there is a cost to be paid for being on top. Most successful people have compromised their core values in some way. Because at the end of the day when you have to make the choice between survival and failure, everyone chooses to flourish. No one chooses to fail, not really. Everybody lies. It just depends on how deep you dig your hole."

Elliot had compromised himself on numerous occasions. He wasn't a murderer but he had bribed and blackmailed over the years like everyone else.

Tara felt like Gemma was putting a curse on them somehow. Those words had a chilling effect. Jax and Tara had already compromised themselves months ago. They both despised the drug trade and yet to get out of the club they both agreed to Clay's muling idea when the boys got out of prison. The decision cost Tara a hand and her job as a surgeon. She was relegated to being a physician at a clinic. Kozik and Miles were dead because of the dirty drug trade.

Jax was keeping secrets from his brothers about the CIA and about who really shot Clay. The latter was a lie that might get all of them killed. Tensions with the Niners and SAMCRO had been steadily escalating in the wake of the death of Damon Pope's daughter.

Jax and Opie were lying to their brothers about Piney's death. The other guys were under the assumption that the cartel killed Piney. Jax was bringing in two men he felt were family without telling them they'd be under the watchful gaze of federal authorities. There were so many irons in the fire and Jax was trying to tend them all. It was inevitable that at some point he'd get burned.

Their hands weren't even remotely clean any longer and they were getting dirtier by the day.


	11. Waking Up is Hard to Do

A/N: This chapter is set up a little different but should be easy to follow.

* * *

_Gemma violently thrashed around in her sleep as a nightmare overtook her every sense. Her body broke out in a cold sweat as she murmured frantically and struggled against some unseen assailant._

_Gemma was only roused from this restless sleep by a pair of strong hands shaking her body. She heard a deep voice speaking to her. _

"_Gemma! Gemma, you need to wake up, Baby. You are having a nightmare." _

_He gently stroked Gemma's cheek to calm her down. The older man rested a hand on her chest and felt how quickly her heart was racing. He wondered what could have inspired such panic in his generally stoic wife. _

_Gemma's eyes shot open and she stared at the man hovering over her. She jumped in fear and backed away from him until she tumbled off the side of the bed. _

"_John?" choked out Gemma fearfully._

"_Baby, what's wrong?" asked John Teller. He was more than a little concerned for his wife. _

_He climbed off the bed and went to her side. John knelt on the floor next to Gemma and looked into her eyes. "What in the world were you dreaming about?" _

_She looked around the room as if trying to figure out where she was at the moment. This bedroom didn't look like her bedroom. And yet it looked to be her taste. Gemma's eyes went to John and observed his aged appearance. _

"_It was just a bad dream," whispered Gemma looking into his eyes._

_She slowly started to calm down as she realized that it had just been a dream and that she was safe. _

_John wrapped his arms around Gemma and kissed the top of her head. _

"_It sounded like a pretty bad one. I don't think I've ever heard you cry out in your sleep like that before. What was this dream about?" asked John. _

"_Uh, I…I don't know," whispered Gemma. _

_John's thumb caressed her cheek. "Can I do something to help?"_

_She slowly got onto her feet. "I need to wash my face." _

_He gave a concerned look to his wife but nodded in understanding. "I'll be waiting here." _

_Gemma walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She stared at herself in the mirror and felt her face. There were no cuts or bruises. She couldn't feel any swelling. It had indeed just been a nightmare. _

_Clay Morrow had been released from prison just before Christmas. He'd served a hefty sentence for John's attempted murder. His freedom was likely the source material for her nightmare. He was looming like the ghost of Christmas past. _

_20 years ago John and Gemma's youngest son had been on death's door. His heart was giving out and they were unable to find a suitable donor for the little boy. _

_Gemma and John were growing apart and both had taken to cheating with other people to get what the other wasn't giving them. _

_As Thomas became sicker and they were certain that he was going to die a miracle occurred. A youngster perished in an accident but was a match for Thomas. It was Thomas' survival that ultimately bonded them together._

_She was startled out of her thoughts hearing a firm knock on the bathroom door. "I'll be just a minute," Gemma responded, as she attempted to collect herself. _

_John frowned from the other side of the door and walked over to his nightstand grabbing his knife. He went back to the bathroom door and easily popped the lock and walked into the bathroom. _

"_Gemma, what is going on?" _

_Gemma turned and said, "You couldn't give me a few more minutes? Damn it, John!" _

"_No, there is obviously something wrong with you and I want know what. It isn't like you to have nightmares. Let alone ones that bring you to tears," said John. _

"_I dreamed that we weren't together. That you were dead and so was Thomas. It was a very hard dream to stomach and it felt so very real. I was…I don't know…lost." _

_John's eyes widened slightly but nodded in understanding. _

"_I can understand why that would be so upsetting, but I'm not going anywhere, Gemma. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. Why did you feel like you couldn't share that with me?" _

"_It was hard thinking about it let alone putting it into words. It seemed so real…so detailed. It just scared me. I am fine now. We should go downstairs. I don't want to be late for Christmas morning. If I know Thomas and Colleen they are probably already downstairs having coffee and waiting on us." _

"_Yes, your son and daughter tend be impatient." _

"_My son and daughter?" asked Gemma laughing. _

"_They get that impatience from you, Gemma. What time are Jax and Tara coming over with the boys?" asked John. _

"_I told them to be here around noon. Tara is supposed to help me and Colleen cook Christmas dinner. You know Col has been hinting about her car already." _

_John quirked an eyebrow and frowned. "She doesn't turn 16 until February."_

"_Well, she already has her driver's permit. You did know she'd want a car. She's has been picking up hours at the office so that you can't try to delay her car with the whole…you've got to help pay for it scheme. Apparently, she got advice from her older brothers." _

_He chuckled and said, "Tommy is probably the one that tipped her off. 27 years old and he is still a big kid. I don't think that boy is ever going to move out of this house." _

_Gemma laughed and shook her head. "You are the one that decided to fix up that apartment over the garage. Why the hell would he want to move? He lives in a rent free studio apartment and can come in the house to eat our food whenever he likes. Not to mention free laundry services."_

_John smiled slightly. "Don't pretend that you don't like having your children close to home. If you could make Jax move back home you would." _

_Gemma's eyes glazed over thinking about her dream. Jax had hated her so much. The thought of losing Jax even in a dream was too much to bear._

_He looked Gemma and saw that she still seemed off kilter. "Are you going to tell me anymore about this nightmare you had?"_

_She shook her head. "Maybe later on. Let's go say Merry Christmas to the kids, John." _

_Gemma slipped by him and grabbed her robe on the way out of the bedroom. She walked down the stairs and smiled seeing Thomas and Colleen sitting in the living room drinking coffee. Gemma took in a relieved breath laying eyes on her youngest son and daughter. _

_Thomas looked up hearing Gemma and John's footsteps coming down the stairs. "Merry Christmas, you guys." _

_Gemma walked over to Thomas and hugged him and then Colleen. "Merry Christmas, babies."_

* * *

It was day three of Gemma being in a coma. The longer she was unconscious the more desperate the situation became. The doctors had rattled off all of these statistics about people who never wake up at all.

Dr. Sanders reminded Jax and Elliot that even if Gemma were to wake up there were no guarantees about her state of mind. She wasn't breathing when Elliot found her. When the paramedics arrived she was still hypoxic and her lips showed evidence of cyanosis. The lack of oxygen to Gemma's brain could have left her with mild to severe brain damage.

Jax refused to even think about that. He preferred to take the situations one at a time. For now he just wanted Gemma to wake up. Everything else could be sorted out later. He just wanted her to wake up.

Elliot was starting to doze off while holding Gemma's hand when he thought he felt a twitch. His eyes shot open and he moved to the edge of his chair. "Gemma?"

Jax stood up and looked over at Elliot. "What is it?"

The older man frowned. "Nothing. I thought I felt Gemma's hand move but I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part."

Jax nodded slightly and sat back down. "Or those involuntary muscle spasms Dr. Sanders told us about."

Elliot scrubbed at his face tiredly and looked to Jax. "I think I need a break. I am going to go find a bad cup of coffee. Do you want one?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks anyway."

He nodded slightly and kissed Gemma on the cheek before leaving the room.

Jax looked at Gemma's face. The cuts and lacerations were beginning to heal and the bruises were already changing colors. It seemed like everything was moving forward except for Gemma. She was still laying in the same bed sleeping. Jax refused to call it a coma. Gemma was just taking an extended nap.

He picked up her hand and squeezed it gently. "I know that you're mad at me. No matter what you say I know that you are and I know that the way I've been treating you has hurt you. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of the reason I've acted the way that I have. You can punish me all you want but you just can't leave me because I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to live in a world without my mother. I keep obsessing about what I could have done differently to keep you safe. And I know that you didn't come to me for protection because I was shutting you out of my life. You just drive me crazy. Everything is a lie or a secret and the harder I try to understand you the more I realize I never knew you at all."

The biker looked around the room and spotted a picture. "Abel came to visit you yesterday. He left you a get well soon card that he made. He drew and Tara did the writing. That kid is a bull in a china shop every other day of the week. But when he came to see you we didn't even have to tell him to be gentle it was like he just knew. He cried when Tara had to take him back home."

Jax blew out a breath trying not to cry. "If you don't want to wake up for me then wake up for Abel. I can't go home and tell him that he's never going to see his Granny Gem again. I can't do that to my little boy. You can't do that to my little boy. So many times I've been ready to give up on him and you pushed me. You goaded me….you slapped me. You wouldn't let me give up on my son because you never gave up on me or Tommy. Well, I'm not giving up on you. I know that you are going to wake up. You have to."

Jax took Gemma's hand and rested his head against it. He closed his eyes tiredly and before Jax knew it he was dozing off.

An hour later Gemma's hand started to twitch. Her eyes fluttered open only briefly before snapping shut again. The overhead lights had blinded her light sensitive eyes. She began to mumble, "Tommy…my baby, Tommy."

Jax shot out of his seat looking at Gemma. "Mom?"

Gemma struggled to open her eyes again. She smiled a little. "Tommy, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry, Baby."

Jax's eyes widened. "Mom, it's me. It's Jax. Can you hear me?"

"Such a good boy, Tommy," murmured Gemma.

He squeezed her hand and brought it to his face. "Mom…Tommy's gone. It's me Jax."

Gemma blinked slightly as her vision focused in more on Jax's face. She looked around the room confused. Panic started to set in. "Where's Tommy? Where's my boy?"

"He's gone…Mom. He died. You know he died."

"No! I saw him! I was just with him! He was okay and he was happy. I…I was happy. I need to go. I need to find my baby," screamed Gemma. She ripped the IVs from her arm and tried to get up.

Jax pushed her back down onto the bed. "You can't get up. You're going to hurt yourself."

The machines in the room started going off as Gemma's body began to seize violently.

"Mom?"

Elliot stood on the other side of the bed in shock. He pushed the call button for the nurses' station. "We need a doctor in here!" He turned his attention to Gemma. "Hold on, Baby. We're going to get you some help."

Two nurses and a doctor rushed into the room. The nurse called out. "Her blood pressure is dropping. She's crashing!"

The other nurse looked to the two men. "We need both of you to leave the room so that we can do our jobs. Please."

Jax ambled out of the room feeling numb.

More hospital personnel rushed into Gemma's room.

Over the PA system a nurse said, "Code Blue to ICU Bay 4. Code Blue to ICU Bay 4."

Elliot leaned against the wall in front of Gemma's ICU room. His eyes were tired and it looked like he was barely holding himself up. "I don't understand…she was fine and then…"

Jax shook his head not having any better answers than he did. "She kept calling me Tommy. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking at me but she kept calling me Tommy like she couldn't see me. I don't understand. I asked her earlier not to leave me and the first thing she utters when she woke up was Tommy."

The older man looked at the sadness on Jax's face and tried to think of a way to be encouraging. Gemma wouldn't want Jax suffering like this. "I don't think it was a slight, Jax. Your baby brother has been on Gemma's mind a lot lately. This thing with you made her miss him that much more than she normally did. She lost both of her parents in less than a year's span and now you don't want to be around her. It just made her take stock of everyone she's lost. None of those pains harder to stomach than Thomas."

"After Tommy died I used to worry about him being scared because he was by himself. I was his big brother and it was always my job to protect him. When Tommy was a kid he'd get scared whenever it stormed. I never knew when but sometime in the night I'd wake up with this little body clinging to me for dear life. After my dad died…Mom said I didn't have worry about Tommy anymore because JT would be there to protect him. I'm not ready for her to go protect him too."


	12. Do Not Resuscitate

Four days later Jax sat next to Gemma's hospital bed at St. Thomas watching her sleep. He generally spent a few hours at his mother's bedside every day.

For the last couple of days Gemma drifted in and out of consciousness but it wasn't any prolonged state of alertness. Sometimes she'd wake up and randomly talk. Once she even woke up looking for Thomas.

However, today she had fully regained consciousness and briefly held a coherent conversation with Elliot.

Gemma's sudden improvement had been a relief for Jax. He thought finally he would get some answers about who did this to her.

But like everything else in his life he'd have no such luck. Soon after Gemma awakened that afternoon she'd been whisked away by the medical team for a dozen or more tests and evaluations. Not to mention she was interviewed by the San Joaquin sheriff's department about her attack.

Jax could hardly believe his ears when Sheriff Roosevelt informed him that Gemma couldn't remember the events leading up to her attack. In fact Dr. Sanders confirmed that Gemma was suffering from memory loss. The last thing she could recall was boarding her flight in Key West.

Dr. Sanders had droned on about how Gemma might regain the memories at a later date. But there was also a very good chance that Gemma would never remember who attacked her that night.

That was a source of distress for Jax. Elliot and Clay were both cleared of any wrong doing in Gemma's attack. Both men had what appeared to be solid alibis. Not to mention that neither appeared to have any unexplained wounds on them.

It was then that Jax's attention shifted to Damon Pope and the Niners. He couldn't think of anyone else that had it out for them so bad that they'd go after his mother. Damon Pope had lost a daughter and LaRoy had lost a girlfriend at the hands of his club. Jax had no doubt that they were looking for a little biblical style eye for an eye revenge.

There was very little noise in Oakland following the attack on Gemma and Jax couldn't figure that part out. If this was a revenge attack they would damn sure want you to know it. Jax couldn't help but feeling like he was being played in some way.

He looked up seeing the door to Gemma's room open.

Elliot walked into the room carrying an oversized arrangement of flowers. He'd spent the last couple of hours attempting to formulate what he'd say to Gemma when he finally spoke to her. There was so much he wanted to say and yet none of it seemed to be enough.

He set the flowers on the nightstand next to Gemma's bed. He lightly kissed her cheek before having a seat next to the bed. He looked over at a fairly exhausted Jax and said, "Hi, Jax. Has she been awake since they brought her back from the MRI?"

Jax shook his head and said, "No, she was asleep when I made it here. Dr. Sanders said that all of the testing probably just wore her out."

Elliot nodded slightly. "What did the doctor say about the results of Gemma's tests?"

"Some of the results won't be back until later. But the important one is that the swelling in her brain has gone down. The doctors said she passed all of the mental acuity tests. It doesn't look like she has any brain damage. Dr. Sanders said that she might be able to leave the hospital next week."

"I've been waiting to get that news all day. When they said that Gemma might have brain damage…" He shook his head unable to continue that sentence. Elliot couldn't imagine Gemma not being Gemma.

Jax shook his head. "Yeah, I know. But that is one thing that we don't have to worry about. And hopefully the doctors are right and she can go home soon. I stopped by the house today. I've had the prospects over there cleaning it from top to bottom. They replaced the sunroom door too. It'll be ready when it is time for her to go home."

Elliot looked a little shocked. "After what happened…do you really think that Gemma is going to want to go back to that house? I'd think that she'd want to get as far away from the place as she could. Gemma had a hard enough time being in that kitchen after what Clay did to her there."

Jax frowned as he thought about it. Before now he had just wanted everything to go back to normal. Normal was his mother being safe in her own home.

"I hadn't thought about that. The last place she will probably want to be is back at that house. Tara and I can try to make room for her at our house."

"Well, I was actually thinking that she might want to stay at my house. I have more than enough room. And she's spent the night with me a few times. I tried to get her to stay with me after her run in with Clay. Or at least get a security system installed, but she is incredibly stubborn."

Jax just stared at the older man not responding to his statement. It did seem logical that Gemma might want to stay with the man she'd been dating. However, Jax wasn't so sure about that idea. "Stubborn generally defines my mother."

Elliot looked at Gemma watching her sleep. He gently squeezed her hand. Elliot chuckled and said, "I happen to like that about Gemma. She's always been a handful."

Jax quirked an eyebrow at Elliot and said, "I didn't realize that you knew her that well."

"Oh, well I knew Gemma years ago when we were children. You know how it is living here in Charming. You know everybody in town. I was a couple of grades ahead of her but we went to school together. We dated for awhile before I graduated high school and joined the Navy."

"You dated my mother?" asked Jax laughing at the thought. He wondered how he'd never hear about that over the years.

Elliot chuckled and nodded his head. "Yeah. Your grandfather and grandmother were strict. They didn't really allow Gemma to go on dates. They thought she was too young. So, Gemma used to sneak out to meet with me. She has always been fearless, but she became more so after your uncle died. Sometimes I didn't know if she was fearless or had a death wish."

"I don't really know anything about that time in her life. She pretty much cut off contact with my grandparents before I was born. I didn't really get to know them. I just know that when I saw Nate that he seemed pissed about the club."

"I would believe that. Your grandparents were seriously devout Christians. I am sure they flipped when they found out that Gemma married a biker. I can't say that I was shocked when I found out. Gemma always liked trouble."

Jax chuckled. "I keep feeling like I don't know my mother."

"I am just getting to know her all over again, but the same thing that was true for her 40 years ago is true now. Gemma is only going to let you see so much of her. It is a defense mechanism to keep her safe. The worst thing for Gemma is to feel out of control of herself. That was one thing that her parents never understood. Not being in control always scared her. And when Gemma is scared…she is a force to reckon with."

The two men fell into a comfortable silence.

Gemma lay in the hospital bed wearing a nasal cannula to help with breathing. Her face was black and blue with cuts and bruises that were slowly trying to heal. Gemma's head was also wrapped in gauze to protect the incision the neurosurgeon made to repair the brain bleed she came to the hospital with. She started to move and cried out in pain.

Jax snapped to attention and asked "Mom?"

He stood up so that he could get a look at her face now that her eyes were open. For the last couple of days he'd wondered if he'd ever see his mother fully conscious again. He had rushed to the hospital earlier when Elliot called to say that Gemma was awake but she was already gone for tests by the time he arrived.

"Hi, baby," rasped Gemma in a hoarse voice. Breathing took so much energy that Gemma wheezed after every word.

Jax looked back at Elliot wondering why Gemma's voice sounded like that.

"Dr. Sanders said that is to be expected. She hasn't spoken for several days, she was intubated for some time, and she has some internal bruising from being strangled. It will take some time for her voice to return to normal."

Jax gently took Gemma's hand and kissed it. "How are you feeling?"

Gemma closed her eyes a moment. "I'm okay."

Jax smiled a little but knew that she was far from okay. He struggled to find the right words. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

Elliot said, "I am going to give you two some privacy. I'll go find some coffee or something." He gently kissed Gemma's cheek. "Can I get either of you something?"

Jax shook his head. "No, I'm good."

"I could use something for the pain. Could you find a nurse or something?" asked Gemma.

"Sure."

He kissed Gemma's cheek one more time before walking out of the room.

"What happened?" asked Gemma turning her gaze to Jax.

She looked into his cloudy eyes. Gemma figured that Jax had more of an idea than the police did about who attacked her and why.

Jax shook his head. "I don't know. I wish I did but I don't know what happened to you that night. You don't remember anything? At all?"

Gemma said, "No."

"What's the last thing you do remember?" asked Jax hoping to perhaps jog her memory.

He wanted to be sure that the Niners were responsible for this before he made a mistake that he couldn't take back.

"Getting on the plane in Key West with Elliot. Everything after that is a blank. I'm sorry," whispered Gemma.

She'd spent 30 minutes with Eli Roosevelt being quizzed about what she remembered. It scared her more than anything that she couldn't remember how she'd ended up like this. In her heart, she knew that it was Clay. She'd been viciously beaten and raped. Whoever did this had rage. Whoever did this hated her.

"No, it's okay. You don't have anything to be sorry about. I am going to figure out who did this to you," said Jax.

It turned his stomach that for the second time his mother had been attacked and raped because of his club.

Jax fell silent for a minute. He had a seat next to Gemma's bed and continued to hold her hand.

"Did they tell you about the baby?" asked Jax unsure how to start this conversation.

That had been a shock to everyone a couple of days ago when the doctors informed Jax and Elliot that Gemma was pregnant.

Gemma's eyes fluttered closed for a moment. Her entire body tensed as she thought about it. "Yes."

"Did you know that you were pregnant before this happened to you?" asked Jax.

That question had lingered in his mind ever since Dr. Rubin broke the news of the miscarriage and pregnancy.

Gemma shook her head. "No, I didn't think that I could get pregnant anymore. I never had with Clay. I guess it was him and not me."

"I'm sorry about your baby…both of them," said Jax.

He wasn't sure what to say to Gemma. Jax had no clue where her head was about the situation. It seemed to him that Gemma was quite finished with the child raising part of life.

Gemma snapped, "I haven't lost the other baby. Not yet."

She turned her head away from Jax and stared at the wall for awhile.

He was taken aback by Gemma's outburst but at least Jax had his answer about how Gemma felt about this pregnancy.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to be insensitive, but did Dr. Rubin explain the odds to you?"

"I am in my 50's and I never thought I'd have another child. I didn't want another child. But I'm not giving up on this baby until I have to. I've never given up on any of my children. Why would I start now? Dr. Rubin said that he didn't think the baby would have survived this long. But it has…so until I know different. I am not giving up."

She continued to stare at the wall until she could get her emotions in order.

Jax could hear the pain in Gemma's voice and felt helpless. There was nothing he could do to make it better. He hated all of this. He was still angry at Gemma. He still felt betrayed and yet here he was at her bedside because she nearly died. It was like Gemma had gotten her way anyway. Although, not without paying a heavy price for her sins.

"I am going to figure out who did this, Mom."

"We both know that it is Clay. He wants me dead and it didn't help that the last time I spoke to Clay I humiliated him in front of Tig and Elliot. Roosevelt says that Clay had an alibi. Who is it?"

"Tig swears that Clay was with him the entire night. They were both getting drunk at Tig's house. I know that he is loyal to Clay but I don't see Tig lying for him about something this serious. And Tig wasn't just grilled by Roosevelt and his goons. Hap and I sat him down for a discussion. He was telling the truth."

Gemma said, "Clay did this…I know it. The person knew the perfect place to break into my house. They came in through the sunroom. The door has always been shitty. Clay had been after me for years to get it replaced but I liked the glass in the door. It gave my plants more sun. Tig might still be feeling guilty for not protecting Clay the night that he got shot. Maybe that is why he's covering for Clay."

"Mom, I thought about that too, but Clay doesn't have any marks on him. I can't believe that he did this to you and you didn't even try to fight back. I saw the house. It was wrecked."

He didn't even want to explain what the bedroom looked like. Maybe it was better that Gemma didn't remember what happened to her.

"Yeah," said Gemma. She went silent and stared up at the ceiling.

A nurse walked into the room. "Mrs. Teller, I understand that you are in pain. I am going to give you some morphine through your IV. It should help with the pain and possibly put you to sleep."

"Good," muttered Gemma.

The nurse administered the medication and then left the room.

"Mom, I think the Niners are behind this. I am going to figure it out for sure. I can't make a mistake on this. I just need you to stay calm and let me do this. Don't go off half-cocked. Tig did that after Clay got shot and look where that landed all of us."

"Why would that make sense? Why go after me? Why not go after Tara to make you feel the exact pain that LaRoy is feeling? Why beat me so viciously? Why rape me? Why not just shoot me? This was personal. This was someone with problems with me. Even Zobelle's crew wasn't as brutal."

Jax couldn't argue with that logic. That was one of the reasons he was having such a hard time believing that the Niners were behind this. It just didn't make sense. But there weren't any other likely suspects. "Maybe Clay hired someone. I can put out some feelers and see what I find."

* * *

Tig walked into the club with a smile on his face. He walked over to the bar and pounded his fist against the top. "Prospect! Get me a beer and a shot of whiskey."

Clay was sitting at the end of the bar reading a newspaper. He looked at Tig over his reading glasses and asked, "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Gemma's awake," said Tig tossing back his shot of whiskey. "Pour me another, Prospect!"

Clay tried his best not to show any emotion but his stomach twisted into knots. After four days he was beginning to get hope that Gemma wouldn't wake up at all. "That is good news. How long has she been awake?" asked Clay.

"She's been awake since this afternoon. I went over there tonight to check in with Jax and he was telling me that she woke up today and they've been running fucking tests on her all day. Seems like she is going to be okay," Tig said as he tossed back another shot of whiskey.

"Rat, pour me a shot too. This is cause for celebration. I'm not in a great place with Gemma right now but I am glad to hear that she is going to be okay," said Clay.

His mind quickly went over his options. He was talking to Galaan on a regular basis and he felt confident if he needed a quick exit that he'd provide it.

Rat poured shots for Tig and Clay.

"The only downside is that she can't remember who broke into the house. So, Jax is still dragging his feet on making a move on the Niners. You know me…I am ready to roll into Oakland and make some things happen. There is no way this isn't LaRoy," Tig said. He shook his head.

Clay's eyes widened as Tig continued talking. He tried to suppress a smile. "She doesn't remember anything? Why?"

Tig shrugged as he gulped down another shot. "Scrambled her brain or something when the bastard slammed her head around. You should have seen the house before the prospects got there to clean it up. It looked like a fucking horror show in the hallway and bedroom. Gemma's blood was splattered on the wall in the hallway. The sheets on the bed were soaked with her blood."

"Guy had to be a sick animal to go after a woman like that," said Rat with disdain in his voice.

Clay gave Rat a look that made him slink out from behind the bar.

"Which is why I think we should be in Oakland right now burning some shit to the ground. But Jax wants evidence or proof. We are going to sit around and wait until the Niners make another move on us? Where is everyone anyway?"

"Well, you always thought that Jax was too much of a thinker. I didn't listen to you at the time because he was my step-son. But you might be right. He's been a good interim president. I will give him that. Jax has made some interesting decisions. I know you can't be thrilled with Chibs sitting in your seat. Everyone is out except for me and Ratboy," said Clay.

Tig quirked an eyebrow at Clay but said, "I turned in my patch. He made his choice about who he feels has his back. Jax and I haven't had problems for a long time. He's different."

"You've given a lot of years to this club. You shouldn't be shoved off to the sidelines. Neither should I. I am getting closer to whole. It might be time for him to step down and let someone who knows how to go to war handle this feud with the Niners."

"You think Jax is going to be open to stepping down?" asked Tig. He walked around the bar to pour another shot.

Clay nudged his glass in Tig's direction. "At the end of the day it isn't really about what he wants to do. It is about what the club decides. How many votes do you think we can swing our way if I called a no confidence vote?"

Tig topped off Clay's shot glass and looked thoughtfully for a moment. "It don't look good, Clay. Off the top you know that Jax, Opie, and Chibs are going to vote together."

"What about Juice and Hap? I mean I just gave Juice his Men of Mayhem patch before all of this shit went down. You think he might feel a little gratitude?" asked Clay.

"Chibs is the one that got him through that shit about killing Miles. I think he'd vote whatever way Chibs was voting. Happy is harder to read. I don't know which way his vote would go," said Tig.

Clay suggested, "Maybe you can feel him out and see where his head is at. We have a couple places at the table that need to be filled. I've been talking to Colin and Owen."

"They are Nomads with Quinn, right?" asked Tig.

"Yes, but you know they were with SAMBEL for a very long time. They've got a good relationship with the Irish. I know that they would vote me in if push came to shove."

Tig smiled. "So, it'd be 4 to 4 and we'd have to see which way the wind would blow Happy."

"Yeah, I mean it is worth a shot." Clay shrugged his shoulders and pushed his shot glass in Tig's direction for a refill.

"True, but if this shit falls apart you know your days in this chapter are done. There is no way you two can co-exist if Jax knows you are gunning for his seat."

Clay laughed. "Don't worry about me. I've got that covered. I just wanted to make sure that you were still on board with me. I know you had some issues."

"You changed but I don't know it seems like you've changed back to the guy that I used to know. So, I've got your back. Think you can set things right with Gemma?"

"I've tried to apologize but she isn't hearing it. I just can't believe she's fucking Elliot Oswald. In what world does that shit make any sense? Other than the fact that he can afford to take care of her he ain't her type."

"I'm not saying try to get back with her. I am just saying get rid of the bad blood. You almost died a couple of months ago. She almost died earlier this week. Maybe you two can just bury the hatchet."

It was no secret that Tig cared about Gemma a lot. She was family to him.

"I just might do that."

Tig was quiet for a minute. "Jax asked me again today about where you were the night that Gemma was attacked. I think he's still looking at you as being the doer. Can't say I blame him you have been acting a little crazy lately."

Clay asked, "What did you tell him?"

"The same thing that I've been telling him. You were at my house the whole night. We didn't leave the house. I couldn't change my story now if I wanted to."

"You did the right thing stepping up for me, Tig. You knew that Jax and everyone else was going to think that I was the one that went after Gemma because of the fight that we had months ago. They wouldn't have even given me a chance to defend myself."

"Well, you have to admit that you went a little out of pocket when you two got into that fight. I mean Gemma looked like she'd been on the losing end of a street fight. But you are my brother and if you say that you didn't go after her this time then I believe you."

Tig was more or less trying to convince himself. The truth was Tig drank so much that day that he blacked out before the sun went down. He didn't wake up until hours later when Chibs and Happy showed up on his doorstep looking for Clay. Clay would have had hours to leave the house and come back and Tig would have been none the wiser.

"Thanks for believing me because you were the only one that did."

Clay smiled inwardly. He knew that Tig was in between a rock and a hard place.

Tig was obviously having some second thoughts about Clay's innocence. But because he'd already vouched for Clay he couldn't very well renege now. Tig was already on shaky ground within the club.

There was something about the smug look on Clay's face that made Tig feel incredibly uneasy. He turned up the whiskey bottle taking a couple of gulps.

"You didn't leave the house that night while I was passed out, did you?" asked Tig. He just wanted to hear Clay say no for his own confirmation.

Rat was about to walk down the hall but stopped overhearing their conversation.

Clay just chuckled and tilted his shot glass in Tig's direction before tossing back the shot.

* * *

Hours later Gemma woke up and groaned softly in pain. She looked around to see if anyone was there with her.

Elliot opened his eyes hearing Gemma moving around. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

Gemma smiled slightly seeing Elliot's concerned face. "No, I am okay. I just feel stiff and my body is aching but I am not in as much pain as I was earlier. You look pretty stiff trying to sleep in the chair. Why didn't you go home? It has to be late by now."

"I didn't want to leave you here by yourself. Besides, I didn't really get to talk to you earlier. You were pretty much out of it by the time I came back into the room. Oh, Jax left V-Linn and Phil to keep an eye on you. Just in case…"

"Just in case Clay tries to kill me again?" asked Gemma rolling her eyes.

"You still think Clay did it?"

"Of course he did it. He wanted to kill me. I don't buy his bullshit alibi. He's lying and so is Tig and I am going to prove it," said Gemma.

Elliot reached over and took her hand seeing that Gemma was getting upset. "And then what?"

Gemma closed her eyes for a moment feeling Elliot's hand squeezing hers. "I am going to make him pay for what he did to me. For what he made me lose…what he made us lose."

Elliot's face saddened as he realized the effect the miscarriage was having on Gemma. "Dr. Rubin said that he talked to you this evening about terminating the pregnancy…"

"No," said Gemma.

"No, Dr. Rubin didn't talk to you?" asked Elliot confused.

"No, I am not getting an abortion. I am going to see this pregnancy through for as long as it lasts. This is my kid and I am not giving up."

Elliot grabbed Gemma's hand and said, "I wasn't asking you to, Gemma. I just wanted to know what you wanted to do. I'll be there for you."

"Don't go doing me any favors, Elliot." She snatched her hand away from him. Gemma groaned in pain from the sudden movement.

"Stop it," Elliot demanded in a forceful voice. He shook his head and reached out taking Gemma's hand again.

"Stop what?" asked Gemma in an irritated voice.

"Stop trying to push me away just because you are scared. I'm scared, too. I've been scared the entire time you were unconscious. I was hurt when Dr. Rubin told me that you'd already miscarried one of the babies. You aren't feeling this pain alone, Gemma. You aren't in this situation alone. I'm not going anywhere."

Gemma rolled her eyes at Elliot. She wasn't willing to admit that those were the words she needed to hear right now. She had a million different emotions welling up inside of her.

"Listen, I don't expect anything from you, El. We are just dating and having a good time. This doesn't change anything. I am not asking you for anything more."

Elliot frowned at Gemma. "You are right this doesn't change anything. From the beginning I knew that I wanted more from this relationship than a string of casual dates. I care about you a lot, Gemma. And I think you know that."

Gemma still refused to look in Elliot's direction. She felt a sigh welling up inside of her. He was being incredibly sweet but at the moment she just wanted to be a bitch to someone.

"Gemma, look at me, please," asked Elliot.

She begrudgingly turned her head in Elliot's direction. "I just wanted to let you know that I wasn't expecting anything more."

Elliot said, "Okay, I understand that. I was talking to Jax earlier and I told him that I thought it'd be best if you came to my house when you are released from the hospital next week."

Gemma's eyes widened and she asked, "Were you listening to anything that I just said?"

"Sure, I listened to what you said and now I am telling you what I want. Your house isn't safe. I don't want you to have to go back there and face that place. You aren't going to be able to move around a lot when you first go home. You are going to need help. Not to mention I am not fond of you being alone after having a head injury. And for the time being you are pregnant with **my** baby. I am going to take care of both of you," said Elliot.

She laughed slightly. "You are such a boy scout. I hope you know that."

"I've been called that before. I am going to take it as a compliment. So, are you going to move into my house or would you like to argue about it some more?"

Gemma was quiet a moment giving it some thought. "I am only moving in until I sell my place and find somewhere else to live."

"That should take a couple of months at least so you will be stuck with me for awhile."

"Dr. Sanders said that I probably would have died if you hadn't found me when you did. So, thank you."

Elliot shook his head. "Don't thank me. I should have been with you when this happened. I let you down."

"You didn't let me down, Elliot. I fucked up because I didn't take Clay seriously. I figured the worse of the worse was over. I warned Jax to look out for him but I was too stupid to take my own warning seriously. And I am glad that you weren't there with me because he would have tried to kill you, too."


End file.
